Post-holiday fun

Wow, has it been 6 days since my last entry? Guess so. And no - the nose picking photos don't get old, giggle giggle snicker snicker yes I'll have another hit off the bong pass 'er over 'ere thankyouverymuch.

So...how was your holiday. Once again, we put the fun in dysfunction. Don't ask, just roll with it. I overate. Spent too much. Caught a cold. But all in all I've had worse Christmases (see below).

Spent some time catching up with HBO's "24-7 Capitals and Penguins." I'd never watched any of the iterations of the "Hard Knocks" series (probably because it never featured the Redskins or Patriots). But this mini-series on the upcoming Winter Classic was AWESOME. Hockey players are generally conservative on camera and blather about "team" and "working hard" and "just happy to be here." HBO manages to cut through the typical (boring) player-speak and present some intriguing stories that get their hooks into ya.

Full disclosure: I hate Pittsburgh's Penguins. HATE 'EM. I disliked them greatly while I was in high school and they'd bump the local Caps outta the playoffs (almost like clockwork, every mid-to-late April). In '91, Pittsburgh defenseman Ulf Samuelsson effectively ended the career of my favorite hockey player (and, coincidentally, my grandfather's favorite) Cam Neely of the Boston Bruins, #8 in your program and #1 in your heart (if you don't know the name, Cam Neely was a perennial 50-goal player who could also fight, at the time he was like Godzilla on skates and had what they call in hockey "soft hands" for a big man).

Thus, the loathing.

Only watched 2 episodes, but it's well worth watching (on youtube or NHL.com) prior to Saturday's SURE-TO-BE-AWESOME game.

On to the NFL. I was 103-71 going into last Thursday night's game, and was 9-7 for this week. Here goes:

Carolina lost to Pittsburgh: duh.

Dallas lost to Arizona: how? In a brutal Cowboys season, this is the unkindest cut.

New England beats Buffalo: duh, part deux. Pats are revving up the bandwagon, there's still room if you hurry.

NY Jets lost to Chicago: How? There's no way this should've happened. Sexy Rexy's boys aren't long for the playoffs they backed into.

Baltimore beat Cleveland: duh, part tres.

Tennessee loses to KC: duh, quatro

San Fran loses to St Louis: I thought that, perhaps maybe possibly that some team would wanna win the NFC West and that that team was the 49ers. Wrong.

Detroit beats Miami: y'all see this train coming, right? Lions are preparing to ascend. Get a healthy QB and they're a force.

Washington beat Jax: I called this! I am as amazed as anyone. At least my Redskins are showing late-season guts. Mr. Shanahan, some of your team will play for you --- excise the rest.

Indy beats Oakland: I thought Oakland might be able to run the ball all over Indy. Nope.

Houston loses to Denver: safe home, Gary.

San Diego loses to Cincy: Ugh. How?? No, seriously, HOW?

NY Giants lose to Green Bay: Ugh. Ugly. I think Big Blue might miss the playoffs, they might beat the Skins this weekend but the Skins aren't gonna roll over for 'em.

Seattle loses to Tampa: Seahawks had everything to play for, but realized (I guess) that they could wait until January 2nd to actually play football.

New Orleans beats Atlanta: good game, really. Falcons were the sexy pick. I wonder if, perhaps now, the sexy pick is......??? Another excuse for a cheesecake photo.

Minnesota beats Philadelphia: I'm pulling for that kid Webb to be the future in Minnie-hoo-ha, since Favre's junkyard is closing up for good. Headline you didn't see: "Vick Dogged It!"

That's all for now, enjoy The Stray Cats

From my grandfather's passing to football..

....that's me, master of the segue.

Y'know, I didn't really do my dear departed Papa justice yesterday. He introduced me to football and the Washington Redskins. He held Super Bowl parties in 1982 and '83 (a Redskins win and loss) and again in 1985 for the improbable New England Patriots team that made it to The Big Game only to be trounced (badly) by the Bears. He steered me towards the Boston Red Sox instead of the Baltimore Orioles because he'd been a Washington Senators fan (and would never root for a Baltimore team). We'd spend afternoons watching baseball during the summer or, in winter, hockey. Before he died, he was high on Cam Neely and the Boston Bruins because the local Capitals were "boring to watch."

One of the saddest things I remember after his death was the Redskins' January 1988 Super Bowl win. He'd have loved that. He'd also have loved the 1991-2 Super Bowl win against Buffalo and he'd adore the Alexander Ovechkin version of the Caps.

I'll sum it up: he was a father figure to me, one of several.

On to the ballgames of week 15:

Carolina at Pittsburgh: this is not a "trap" game for the Steelers. This is a leisurely walk 'round the Monongahela River. The Steelers will rape the Panthers, figuratively of course.

Dallas at Arizona: Merry Christmas! Here's a sucky game! It's like thinking you're getting coal in your stocking Xmas morn and realizing that it's - in fact -dogshit. Cowboys.

New England at Buffalo: this could be a trap game. Pats need one more win to clinch home field and Foxboro is unkind to many, many road teams. But Buffalo doesn't roll over. Still, Pats.

NY Jets at Chicago: I think the Jets' toes will freeze in the cold, and Rex's wife will be shooting video. Oh, that's hot. ewww.. Bears.

Baltimore at Cleveland: Browns might surprise the Ravens, but the Ravens are the safe pick.

Tennessee at KC: Chiefs will win at home. Randy Moss tries out for the St Louis Blues just for fun, to see if anyone cares. Safe home, Randy

San Fran at St Louis: no one wants to win this game. 49ers.

Detroit at Miami: Lions, as the Dolphins are susceptible to a good pass rush. I think Detroit is ready to take A Big Step next season

Washington at Jacksonville: I think the Redskins will sneak one away from a lackadaisical Jacksonville team.

Indy at Oakland: Raiders are better than their record, Colts are exactly what their record says. Raiders

Houston at Denver: Texans, but no one cares. Safe home, Gary Kubiak

San Diego at Cincinnati: Chargers will win, and won't need boats to play the game.

NY Giants at Green Bay: Tough to pick against Green Bay after last weekend when they took the Patriots to the mat. Packers at home.

Seattle at Tampa Bay: I think the Seahawks might actually be motivated to make a play for the NFC West title. Maybe.

Minnesota at Philly: Philly. It'll be like walking your dog along the Schuylkill River Trail.

New Orleans at Atlanta: finally, a game that really matters. I think this will be an absolute hoot to watch. A high-scoring thriller. And the Falcons will win it.

Well, that's it for football. I might not have time to write anything tomorrow because of last-minute Xmas shopping and cooking and all of that - so to all of ya that read this crap have a safe and Happy Christmas with you and yours.

Blackford out.

The worst day I lived through

December 22nd is my least favorite day of the year.

Let me back up. When I was born my folks had very little money. My dad had just finished college and was in the Guard, my mom walked across the stage for Nursing School graduation with me - a few months before I was born. They tell me we lived in a little home in Silver Spring after I was born.

And at all times - according to the tale - they leaned on my mom's parents who lived in Rockville, Anne and Tom Brutscher.

I know we lived in their house for a period of time while our home was being built in far-off Mt. Airy (where they had pastures and cows and dirt roads). All I can recall is my Grandma taking me to the park, goofing off with my uncle (also named Tom), and loving all the attention.

Anyway, I'll speed it up. We moved to Mt. Airy. My Grandma died of cancer in '76 (I think). All I recall is my mom crying, sobbing really, into the receiver.

After that, we saw my Grandfather less. I think he had to go deal with his grief in his own way. He eventually took up with a lady my mom didn't like, married her and later divorced. Mom refused to let us see him unless his new wife wasn't around - so we didn't see him much at all. Obviously, after the divorce, that changed.

In 1985 I started going to school at St. John's in DC, and one of the bigger reasons my folks sent me there was because his house was right off the Twinbrook Metro stop. I'd get dropped off at the train station by 7 am and go to school, then hop off in the afternoon at his house to wait for my dad to finish working.

It was then that I really got to know my grandfather. He'd been a WW2 veteran, serving in the Coast Guard and was shot in the hip. He'd apparently lied about his age and cheated on the Coast Guard's swimming test in order to get in - back then I guess kids really wanted to join the war effort. Before that, he'd been a football and hockey player for Central Catholic in Pittsburgh (home of, years later, Dan Marino). He was from a family of orphaned boys in Pittsburgh who'd been lucky enough to have been raised by an uncle instead of dropped off at the orphanage like his brothers.

He met my Grandma after the war, settled in DC with a job at the Government Printing Office, and had my mom and uncle. He liked golfing, was active in a local bowling league, and I guess you'd say all in all he enjoyed a quiet unassuming suburban life.

But all of that really doesn't sum him up. He was - to me anyway- a little bigger than life. He'd occupy a room when I was a kid. He was quick with a joke (always inappropriate), and - looking back - I guess was kind of a jerk to people (I think he'd pick fights with people on purpose, he seemed to really enjoy needling people when he found a weak spot) but they'd always appear to laugh it off.

Over time, the first couple years of high school anyway, I guess you'd say we became friends. As my uncle married and started his family, I think my grandfather was lonely. He never married again, and as the years went by he seemed to retreat into alcohol more and more. Sometimes I'd spend the night at his place in Rockville and he'd serve himself wine with breakfast. He was a chain-smoker who always wanted to quit. He was, like any of us, far from perfect. But above all, I think he was still grieving for my Grandma and angry at God, who'd taken her away from him far, far too soon.

I'll forever carry the weight of guilt over pulling away. I was about 15, turning 16, and I started dating gals and "moving on," in the way any teenaged boy will. I saw him less and less. He'd come out to my lacrosse games, or Sunday dinners at our house. But I was more interested in girls and cars and stuff like that.

On December 22, 1987, mom had me call over to his house to let him know our Xmas plans. It rang forever. No answer. I tried back a little later, same thing. The next time I called a different man's voice (Mr. Lee, his neighbor) picked up the phone and told us that we'd better come out there. It was the longest ride I've ever experienced. Mom told me not to go running in, I did anyway.

I knew what death was. Hell, I was 16 -not an imbecile. But I wasn't ready to see my grandfather's body lying in rigor mortis. I haven't been the same since, part of me (my innocence, I'm guessing) died with him.

Given his lifestyle at the time (too much booze, too many years of smoking) a heart attack was not a total shock - but his absence in my life was. Everyone's grandparents pass away - they're old and that's life, right? But like I said I wasn't ready for it. My grades slipped, I acted up in school a little (I cut classes, went to his place and drank my uncle's beer with some guys from high school), and was generally miserable.

I don't recall my folks ever coming to me and talking about it. I think our little family was in shock. My mom's relationship with her brother dissolved into nothingness in various arguments about the status of my grandfather's estate - so I lost my uncle, too.

Time healed it over into a nice scar, that I can still see when I want to. I miss him terribly, and hope that I haven't let him down too much in the years since he passed. We had to say goodbye too soon.

And now....the results from Week 14

I've grown a little bored with reporting my weekly success or failure when it comes to my NFL picks, so I tried to find the most boring picture I could to encapsulate that feeling. Really. I don't have any idea what that is a photo of.

8-8 for the week that was. Brings my totals to 103-71. I think if I break even over the next few weeks I clinch the NFC west.

To the games....

SF loses to San Diego: a lot of teams have lost games to Norville Turner's Chargers in December. Add the 49ers to that list. Hey, remember that Vincent Jackson guy? Yeah, he's pretty good and shit.

Cleveland loses to Cincy: How? Knuckleheaded Browns should avoid the Bengals identity-crisis fate at all costs. Run Peyton Hillis between the tackles and crush the opposition. Oh, right, Mangini's the coach. Apparently, Carson Palmer read my blog and it motivated him. Send a check, Mr. Palmer, I can use the cash.

Washington loses to Dallas: a wise man wrote that he sensed "another hard-fought Redskins loss." Yay! Right again. I mean....oh crap, I'm right again. In DC they're making a fuss about how great Rex Grossman played - like the Redskins somehow won the game. The spin-doctors are now hinting that Donnie Mac was the problem all along. Gotta love DC. McNabb should change his name to "Nixon" and resign - not because he's a bad quarterback but because his days as the starter in DC are probably done.

Houston loses to Tennessee: Ok, both these teams suck. I figured Houston would play for some pride and was dead wrong.

Jax loses to Indy: The LA Jaguars (Los Jaguares? Las Jagures? El Tigre?) are like the Texans, they fear success. Either that or the ghost of Mark Brunell haunts Jacksonville.

KC beats St. Louis: and no one was surprised.

Buffalo loses to Miami: I should've picked the home team here but went out on a limb. Win some, lose some.

Philly beats NY Giants: I had the Giants, and then.....poof! Up in smoke. DeSean Jackson pulled the crappy move of the week at the end of his run. For the athletic, intellectual, or female audience's benefit --- Mr. Jackson decided to glide along the goal-line and goad the Giants instead of making a bee-line for the end zone in order to score a TD. In the Madden video games, you do this to taunt, goad, own, and humiliate your opponent, ie- "look at meeee...you suck so bad you can't even tackle meeee." I fear for his life the next time he tries to run across the middle against the Giants. "Boom! Where'd that truck come from!" Followed by "Injuries are just part of the game."

Detroit beats Tampa: TOLD YA

Arizona loses to Carolina: the long season continues for both teams. I took the Cards, but the Panthers were a little bit better in the Toilet Bowl of week 14.

New Orleans loses to Baltimore: tough game to call, both teams are good. I don't like how cocky John Harbaugh comes across on TV, he's almost as arrogant as Billick was.

Atlanta beats Seattle: because no one in the NFC West wants to actually attend a playoff game.

NY Jets beat Pittsburgh: Big Ben, I picked your team. Karma's a bitch.

Denver loses to Oakland: better team won. {Sarcasm alert: please be advised that the following comments are literally dripping with sarcasm, venom, and snarkiness} Oh, look Redskins fans, Jason Campbell can actually complete passes and stuff like that. Wow. Who knew?

Green Bay loses to Patriots: closer than I liked to see. That onside kick gambit won't pay off for the rest of this season. I was seeing shades of the January 2008 Pats-Giants Super Bowl there for an hour or so. Patriot defense had a bad game for the most part but came through thanks to the big interception. Good teams find ways to win I guess (isn't that what all these talking-head ex-athletes keep saying?)

Chicago beats Minnie-ha-ha: and no one's laughing. When the game started, Gruden was gushing about how Favre was acting "like a 23-year old, wow!" Well, later on in the game I think Jaworski said he "looked old and cold." Gruden sucks at calling football games, but he does do a good job explaining the dynamics of the game. I also hate Domes, football games in domes, cheerleaders in Santa suits (it's kind of creepy), and Smurfs.

Where's Azrael?

Hey, this weekend is all kooky...and stuff

No NFL chatter from me today, I'll save it for tomorrow. Who knew Rex Grossman could complete a pass? Who knew the Packers have actual coaches who can get a team ready for a tough ballgame? We all knew DeSean Jackson was a Grade A co@%sucker, but now he's actually improved upon that title.

Nah. Today I'm writing about my wild and wooly weekend on the ice. I attend an annual ice hockey tournament around the third Saturday of December (well, there have only been 4 of them so far) titled "The Piranhas Winter Classic." It's mostly an excuse to drink beer (it's cold and easy to find) and play hockey in a mildly competitive environment. I think everyone wants to win, but no one takes it all that seriously. There's food, friends (some of my former teammates still come out for this, and even though I'm a Piranha I'm pretty new to that team but they're a good group), family (Carol brought the kids out to an intermission "family skate"), and - did I mention the copious beer? Plus, I'd been on the winning team for the 3 prior Classics - I had a nice streak going with my old teammate Paul McRann. Of course this year they split us up.

Here's how my weekend went: Friday night I coached my son's Squirts team for an hour, plenty of skating there. Saturday morning Carol wants to hit the gym, so we go for about an hour. My team's first game in the Classic started at 1:30. We skate hard and lose respectably, which is to say we weren't blown out. Uh-oh, we were on for the very next game (back-to-back hockey games is a very difficult task. Not impossible, just difficult). We manage to win that one. We're off the ice, finally, about 4pm. By that time my family's shown up for the intermission skate-around, and so I've gotta go and skate more with my wife and kids. This wasn't exactly a torturous affair, as it was fun to play tag with my older son and watch our 4-yr old start to figure out that skating is fun (yes, I'd like all of my kids to play, and I'd like to play just long enough to skate with 'em on a line together - although I know we'd never ever score, to be a Blackford means lots of effort but no ink on the scoresheet).

I got a break till about 5:30 (it all started to blur) then took the ice for a "win or die" game, where we skated tough against a superior opponent.

No regrets, it was all fun.

No form of exercise, with the exception of swimming, has kicked my ass like skating in hockey. I mean, I can skate in lazy circles all day at a public session, but competing in a game is an entirely different ball of wax. I've heard men complain about having to play back-to-back softball games and wondered if they realized how pathetic they sounded. Playing multiple hockey games on one day is brutal.

So, my streak was broken. I sat and watched my former teammate and captain win his 4th consecutive Classic, and he was named Most Valuable Old Guy. For a guy who turns 50 next year, he's still pretty damned good.

I drove my own old bones home, with every passing mile I could feel my muscles pulling ever tighter. By the time I got home I wanted a wheelchair.

Sunday morning was early, running to Squirt hockey to watch my team play a chippy opponent to a tie. My boy almost....ALMOST score his first goal (sorry Bobby, it's in the genes, ask for your uncle's scoresheets). Of course, yelling at children is hardly physically taxing. Neither was Sunday Mass or or children's Sunday School.

Thanks to the ass-hats that run the Gardens Ice House Men's League, the Piranhas had a 2pm game. I'm pretty sure our captain tried talking to the League's commissioner about the fact that most of our team would be exhausted (or hung over, in some cases) what with the Winter Classic and all.... and you'd think the League would be responsive when we all pony up about $500 in ice fees.

You'd be wrong.

8 guys showed up Sunday afternoon while the Ravens and Redskins played, 7 of whom had played hockey all day on Saturday. I think the opposing team was called The Highlanders, and they beat us 3-1, but I don't think any of us really cared. The Highlanders played cheap and goaded our tired team into a few dumb penalties, and the refs did an awful job - some of the worst refereeing I've seen since.....hell if I know.

I was home by 4, finally. There was a fire waiting for me. Life was good. A friend o' mine said that life accelerates (hi Edwin), and I think he's right. All we have to do is keep all of the plates spinning on the poles..........

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "Dummy, all of this crap you've whined about having to do was elective...at any time you could've simply dreamt up an excuse and walked out. People have REAL concerns in this world: jobs, money trouble, illnesses, etc. Shut up and enjoy your petty scheduling troubles."

And, if you thought that, I'd say you're right - I'm lucky that this is all I've got to complain about. As I re-read this, though, I think I'm not complaining as much as I am bragging. Which is unseemly.

My long weekend ended with wins by the Caps and New England Patriots. By midnight, I was ready to skate again.

Weekly picking, yeah the season's almost over

As I said in September, this is the first time I've ever bothered to make football picks and keep track of how I am at it. So far, 95-68. I'm encouraged by this. It's not exactly difficult, is it? It's also probably dreadfully boring to read, I imagine. I try, I really do.

As a kid I used to love watching football with the Xmas tree up, I'd hang our Redskins ornament on the tree and inevitably they'd win. Now, clearly, the Redskins Xmas magic is gone (and has been for a looooong time). Still, the tree makes the room feel warmer - so there's that. Anyway, another Thursday night game means I write this thing before that game begins, so here goes:

San Francisco at San Diego: all the teams that play out west are garbage this season. Apparently, no one wants to win either the AFC or NFC West. I mean, who would? It's a hassle, all those playoff games in cold-weather stadiums.....Chargers.

Cleveland at Cincinnati: Gotta go Browns, but the Bengals could pull this one out if Carson Palmer remembers that he won a Heisman Trophy for being a good QB

Washington at Dallas: yawn. Two teams that have lousy records. My feeling is that this will be yet another hard-fought Redskins loss. Dallas has been playing better football of late. The Redskins? Not so much. Cowboys

Houston at Tennessee: two more lousy teams, with 5-8 records (I think). Houston still plays respectable football. I think the Titans are simply collecting checks.

Jacksonville at Indy: this one decides the AFC South, I think. Jags should have a chip on their shoulders as big as Peyton's massive forehead. I'm going with the LA Jaguars

KC at St Louis: does anyone care that these two teams from Missouri lead their respective divisions? No? Oh, right, because they suck. Chiefs should win, if Cassell plays.

Buffalo at Miami: Miami should win at home. Remember when this matchup was aces? Jim Kelly and Dan Marino....ah, memories.

Philadelphia at NY Giants: tough game to call. I think Philly is showing some chinks in the "best team in the NFL" armor lately. The Giants have the defense to punish Mr. Vick. I'm picking Giants.

Detroit at Tampa Bay: Lions are gonna win their second game in a row. They're getting better.

Arizona at Carolina: Oh God, don't make me watch! Cardinals

New Orleans at Baltimore: the Ravens are also showing signs of....slippage. Saints defense should force some mistakes en route to a close win.

Atlanta at Seattle: Falcons, easily

NY Jets at Pittsburgh: Steelers will trip up the deflated Jets. Funny, right?

Denver at Oakland: Raiders are the better team.

Green Bay at New England: if Rogers plays this could be a gem of a game. Patriots.

Chicago at Minnesota: I'll lease out my back yard for the game. I will! Bears.

All for now, enjoy the meatballs....

ho ho-rrendous

I love Christmas but there are things I hate about it. I'm sure anyone reading this has the same feelings towards our annual bacchanalia of eating, gift-giving, and singing in the car about the merits of roasting chestnuts on open fires, red-nosed reindeer, and talking snowmen. That's not even mentioning this Jesus fella....he's everywhere.

Like everything we do in America, it's become politicized. Stupidly, in my humble opinion. Why, on the news today I heard a report about the Loudon County (Virginia) Courthouse Holiday display. Apparently, they have a Christmas thing, a Hanukkah thing, a Kwanza thing, an Atheist thing, and a Jedi thing. The game you can play at home, kids, is to guess who's just yanking someone's crank here....hmmm? I can hear the conversation at the dinner table: "how can we - who love Star Wars - muck up the courthouse's Xmas display." Yeah. In between bong hits they decided that "Jedi" made perfect sense.

Christ. In another country they'd be sterilized for the benefit of the rest of us.

Now, I'm not a nut who insists that All bow before my religion of choice, either. I just know a Contrary Harry when I see one. Godspeed, Obi Wan.

Back to Xmas. We all have our favorite holiday songs, TV specials, and movies. So, I'm taking the lazy man's way out and just writing a sure-to-be-controversial list of the best and worst - according to me because - well - my opinions are the only ones I really care about.

Best TV

1. Still love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. After all these years it's held up. Santa's basically a small-minded prick, as are most of the residents of "Christmas Town." There's an island where all of the non-conforming toys have been banished to - thanks presumably to Santa or his incompetent elves. Plus a snow monster, I mustn't forget Bumbles. My dad has copious body hair, and my brother Tom and I got in trouble for saying he was the Bumbles snow monster. I guess I love this one for all the memories it evokes...I was a kid, it would air on Christmas Eve some years and it was the last thing I'd watch before scooting off to bed in my footed pj's.

2. Santa Claus is Comin' to Town is a pretty good one, too. It tells Santa's back-story, from orphaned child to universal gift-giver. I especially like the villainous Burgermeister Meisterburger and his Eastern-bloc accent that's right out of the Cold War. And Mrs. Claus is hot for some of this...til she gets older, but there is a sweet scene where the Claus couple is holding hands looking at the North Star when they decide to only do the whole toy-giving thing on Christmas.

3. Nestor, the Christmas Donkey: oh man, this one killed me as a kid. Not usually on TV anymore, but it's the story of a little long-eared (think Dumbo) donkey who travels towards Bethlehem with his mother. At some point, the mother shelters little Nestor from the elements and then dies of exposure. Nestor lives, and manages to be present at the birth of Jesus. I cried and cried and cried. I know, I'm a douchebag, I get it.

4. Shrek the Halls: a newer one but amusing. I like the Donkey's giant Santa waffle and the Gingerbread Man's story of a horrific Xmas past ("you weren't there!"). Plus the great line, uttered by Shrek, "I'm sorry if you took my yelling at you the wrong way."

5. The Grinch: the animated version with Karloff doing the voice of the Grinch. NOT the Jim Carrey crapola flick

Worst TV:

1. The Year Without a Santa Claus: ugh. From the positively wretched songs to the awful introduction of the Miser Brothers, this one should be taken out to pasture and shot. I know, a lot of people love it. Barf.

2. Merry Madagascar and Kung-Fu Panda Xmas: the less said the better. I was forced to sit through these recently and am still recovering.

3. Kathy Lee's Holiday specials: part of me misses these for their sheer awfulness. God, she sucked. Nick and Jessica's weren't far behind.

4. Frosty the Snowman: I like snowmen. I like snow. I don't like this one much, with it's weirdly-animated kids. They made a sequel that was even worse, though, so this one's good by comparison.

Hon. Mention:

There's one that I'm on the fence about, the hallowed Charlie Brown Xmas. Part of me loves it and part of me hates it. Oh, I get it, the holidays are too commercialized. Ok. Now, let's beat the point into 'em, boys! It's half-good and half-bad.

Best Movies (gets shorter from here)

1. A Christmas Story: you know it, you love it.

2. Christmas Vacation: I hated this one when I first saw it, thought it was WAY too liberal in its recycling of gags from the original Vacation. It's grown on me, but the end sucks.

3. Scrooged: love it, one of the best

4. March of the Wooden Soldiers: an old Laurel & Hardy movie. It's old, corny, and I used to watch it every Xmas season.

5. It's a Wonderful Life: Ok, I didn't see this until I was about 30 years old. Very sappy, probably over-played. But a great movie nonetheless.

Worst Movies - too many to name, but here's a few I sat through.

1. Jingle all the Way: dreadful

2. How the Grinch Stole Xmas: the Jim Carrey abortion. ugh. A better movie than the Mike Myers version of Cat in the Hat, though - in which I fell asleep in the theater like an old man.

3. The Family Man: ack barf spit ouch! Nic Cage plays the lead. Kind of like A Christmas Carol, but it sucks soooo bad.

4. Jack Frost: the less said the better.

....I'm sure I've missed a whole lot of movies here.

Best Songs

1. Someday at Christmas by Stevie Wonder. A beautiful song, really.

2. It's Christmas All Over Again by Tom Petty. Featured in Jingle all the Way (the only redeeming portion of that movie). Unexpectedly awesome

3. Christmas (baby please come home) by Darlene Love, and covered by U2. Has that "wall of sound" thing going on, I like it.

4. Christmas in Killarney by the Irish Rovers. The sound of fun.

5. Standards. Tough to go wrong with the usual mixture of hymns and winter-themed standards, really.

6. Everywhere It's Christmas by The Beatles. They've never released the Beatles Xmas songs, but this was a fun one, it's on youtube. Very silly song.

7. Dominick the Donkey by Lou Monte, la la la - la la la lalalala.....tough not to sing along

Worst Songs

1. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer by Elmo and Patsy: Run. Don't listen. Just run.

2. Blue Christmas by Elvis. I love Elvis but hate this song

3. Christmas Shoes by NewSong. This is one of THE worst songs ever. It comes with an agenda and an utterly ridiculous narrative that begins at the sublime (a grimy little kid straight from a Dickens novel trying to buy his mom shoes) to the ridiculous (Jesus won't see those shoes, kid). I think the whole song was calculated to get the buzzwords "God" and "Heaven" and "Jesus" on the radio. Why? Because that's how zealots think.

4. Where are you Christmas? by Faith Hill. Over-played on the radio, and was featured prominently in one of history's worst motion pictures (the aforementioned Grinch).

5. NOVELTY SONGS: Crabs for Christmas, the 12 Pains of Christmas, etc etc etc. Awful. Flush them all before they become standards!

I'm sure I missed a bunch of stuff, but that's life. Enjoy some eggnog and indulge in some of what I think are the better entertainment options of the season.