NFL and no fun

Tomorrow is the first pre-season game for your (my) Washington Redskins. I've been a huge fan of the 'Skins and football since about 5th grade. I also pull for your New England Patriots. But, like a lot of you, I really enjoy the sport of (American) football and look forward to it about this time every year. Let's face it: I'm 38, married with kids....balding, thickening, and aging....what else is there (besides the inevitable blissful sleep known as death) to look forward to?

Loving football, however, doesn't mean I love everything about it. I don't love the "NFL brand." I don't like theme songs playing all the damned time. I don't like 101 commercials. I don't like pre-game shows that are longer than an hour.

Don't really LOVE the fantasy football thing, it's fun and I partake but it's become such a.....BIG DEAL...that it kinda sucks. Guys take trips to Vegas just to "do" a draft (umm....ok, yeah there's jealousy involved on that count), chicks play it (girls mess up EVERYTHING), and radio DJ's babble endlessly about it. Meh. It's OK but getting lamer all the time.

Kidding aside, I truly dislike the announcers and color guys who call these games on TV. Don't get me wrong, some of them are great (Jaworski clearly knows the sport, but Gruden delivers oral lovin' upon the players...it's embarrassing).

I really hate the warfare metaphors and similes. Folks, I'm climbing on the soapbox. We send boys to foreign lands to fight wars. Those kids face death and madness every day. And yet, ALL of our elected leaders would allow us (and encourage us) to ignore all that - sacrifice nothing - and worry over Fat Albert Hayneworth's conditioning ("see what condition my condition's iiiiin") problems or Lindsay "milk-a-what?" Lohan's problems. I think they like us nice and placid, ignoring the horrors out there. We could have war bonds, a draft, etc etc etc.

Hell, these "gridiron gladiators" should be cutting a nice 50% of their take home pay and giving it to the poor kids who're coming home in pieces - mentally or physically. This country - you and me- we chew these kids up and spit them out, then get new ones to chew.

OK, I think the NFL can do that to kids too. It's a dangerous game and there are too many kids who go for the bucks and glory and don't make it. But they're not coming home without arms or legs, or with a head full of scrambled eggs.

Ahem. Climbing off the self-righteous soapbox now. Sermon over. Moving on, it's vacation time and that means 2 weeks of sun and surf. [and perhaps this is what we all truly do, when one's family is blessed not to have a member overseas in some wretched part of the world risking life and limb, we all just accept it and try our best to move forward, keep living]

Before I go on that great trip, and before my 'Skins play a game, here's my 1st ever NFL prognostications for 2010-11. I base this on very little knowledge and very much Gut.

NFC East:

1- Dallas: it pains me. Yeah, they look to be the best team in the division.

2-NY Giants: could surprise the Cowboys, but probably not.

3-Washington: I think McNabb has some left in the tank, and the defense might be really good. But it's probably 18 years without a title and counting. Even if I'm wrong, they'll be better than last year.

4- Philly: MAYBE. They could be 3rd if DC goes belly-up like usual.

NFC North:

1-Green Bay: yup, Aaron Rogers.

2-Minnesota: nope, no Favre

3- Chicago: a better season than 2009-10, but they overpaid in free agency.

4- Detroit: I really would like to see the Lions have a GREAT season. Not yet.

NFC South

1- Saints. Period. But could hit that post-champ malaise

2-Falcons: they'll challenge New Orleans this year, Mattie Ryan rebounds a little from last year.

3-Carolina: running in a passing league....nope

4- Tampa: whatever.

NFC West

1-San Francisco: If Alex Smith can complete a few passes, Gore can run and the D is improved.

2-Arizona: maybe. If Leinart comes in and plays well.

3-St. Louis: they will improve

4- Seattle: not this year.

AFC East

1-Jets: Another painful pick. I love me them Patriots, but the Jets look pretty loaded.

2-Pats: a shaky end to last season inspires some god-darned greatness

3-Dolphins: soon.

4- Bills: good for little more than snow games

AFC North

1-Baltimore: the Ravens have been doing good things for 11 years. Same this year.

2-Cincinnati: they weren't a total fluke last year, might challenge for a division title

3-Pittsburgh: rapist QB = A lost season in Pittsburgh. Ben will play well when he's on the field.

4-Cleveland: I pull for the Browns, like I do the Lions....why not?

AFC South

1-Tennessee: my big upset pick. Vince Young shows up to play and a solid team takes a division

2- Colts: don't like Messr. Manning. Hope I'm right

3-Texans: Maybe. Good QB and WR, but....

4-Jaguars: Hi, we're the London Jags, sod off!

AFC West

1-Denver: When San Diego slips, as they're gonna, the Broncos are ready

2- Chargers: before pride cometh the fall

3-Chiefs: improved but still bad

4-Raiders: for the sake of their fans, hopefully they improve. Campbell isn't a bad start.

That's it. I won't attempt to break down records and stuff. I think we'll see Dallas and Green Bay play for the NFC title and then Baltimore and the Jets play in the AFC.

Or, I'm completely wrong and know nothing and am therefore dumber than a block of wood. Who cares? It'll be fun to watch.