.....And now, presenting, subsection (c)...blah

Watching a Baltimore Ravens game is a bit like watching baseball. The game's always slow and the score's always low. Obviously, for Ravens fans, that works in their team's favor as it typically means their vaunted D is cranked up to optimal performance. For the average fan of football, I'd say that watching a Ravens game is like watching paint dry. Boooooring.

Last night, more of the same. One touchdown. Plenty of big hits and exciting plays, but less scoring than there is at a comic book convention. Excuse me, Miss, would you like to hear me discuss at length the ins and outs of the 3-4 defense scheme. Oh, and by the way, my team wears purple shirts and the numbers are in a weird font.

Bet it gets the chicks dressed like Leia Organa (in her Palace girl garb, of course) hot. Good luck with that.

I live near Baltimore and attended school there. I was there when the Orioles were pretty good and when the Browns moved to town and became the Ravens. Oh, and I was here when the Colts moved.

I'm against moving NFL teams around. The Colts should still be here, and it sucks that they're not. Baltimore was a great sports town with great fans. Now, as a result of the Irsays' move and the O's struggles, they're a good sports town with an inferiority complex. They mask this by being pure and unadulterated homers.

I'll illustrate. Baltimore fans despise the Redskins. I don't really get that. The teams play in different divisions and don't even play each other but...what... every 8 years? From 1983 to 1995 Baltimore had no team, and ALLEGEDLY, the then-owner of the Redskins (Jack Kent Cooke) conspired with the NFL to keep a new team out of Baltimore as he would argue that it was his "territory."

No, there's no proof of this collusion - there doesn't have to be. If people believe it is so - then it is. Interestingly enough, in 2004, the Oriole's owner made the same argument to keep the MLB from allowing the Expos to move to DC. This, apparently, was OK with Baltimore fans.

So, in 1995 the Browns skip outta Cleveland and move to Baltimore. The new "fans" were atwitter about the new team and the new duds (purple...why?) and predicted Super Bowl, right away...great things just around the corner.

Nope. They had some decent players and a decent offense at the time but had to build. And build they did. While the Redskins spent the seasons 1995-2000 buying players in a Steinbrenner-esque display of avarice and profilgacy, the Ravens built through the draft. The results were obvious, a 2001 championship testimony to what really works.

In between that, significantly, was the great theater of the Ray Lewis trial. The resulting scandal led many Raven fans to feel uneasy about Ray-Ray and his jerseys were practically nonexistent around here. Nowadays? Well, America's collective memories are short and he was determined to have been not guilty (not "innocent", just "not guilty") of the charges. Today, as portrayed in the Baltimore media, Ray's a teddy-bear off the field and a lion on it.

Raven fans are alot like Steeler fans. The ones that I know seem to get really invested with the team from the ground up, which means they REALLY watch the preseason games with great interest and follow the new kids who are working hard for roster spots. They refer to their players by first name, like "Ray" or "Joe" instead of "McNabb" or "Orakpo". The TV and radio guys do this, too. It's a marked distinction from the cooler and more detached Redskin announcers. I won't pass any value judgment on it, I'll simply say I'm more comfortable with cooler and detached....and everyone who knows me won't be surprised to hear that.

Redskin fans don't notice the Ravens, other than to look longingly at their roster and win totals. Good drafts, good coaching, wish it was us. Alot of 'Skins fans follow the Ravens after November 1st, when their team is usually officially out of the playoff hunt. As a fan of the 'Skins, this doesn't trouble me one bit. I'm not one of those fans, but it's cool. Big tent, people.

What bugs me when I watch the Ravens is how they inject alot of WWE crap into the game, especially on defense. This appears to stem from the fertile mind of Ray Lewis, who struts out like a purple peacock onto the field and begins his little intimidation game. I can't argue with the man's play on the field - it's beyond reproach - he is truly a great middle-linebacker for his team. But I can live without the prison-yard school-yard theatrics after...EVERY. SINGLE. PLAY.

(he's hardly alone, all teams have clowns that do this, including the Redskins. I think Laron Landry flexes after every play, even on the sidelines)

So, last night I'm listening on the radio as they're tossing the coin, and Ray's voice is audible with....loud gibberish about his house and being men and blah blah blah. I guess that motivates his teammates to go and do what they do....because they just keep doing it. Maybe I'm getting old and I don't understand screaming and yelling at people to get them to reach they're optimal performance....

(although, I like watching that guy D. West scream at the teenagers with shi&*y attitudes on "Maury"...big fun!!!)

There was alot of pushing and shoving after every 1-yard run last night. Alot of chest-puffing and strutting and flexing. Between the Jets and Ravens last night, it really was like watching a WWE wrestling match. And, it struck me as stupid and pointless.

In between all of that was a great but boring defensive game. Gruden verbally completed Ray Lewis and the Jets' Revis as great players. But it was sloppy, and dull....one TD is hardly fun to watch.

This is how Ravens games go. Lots of field goals, very little scoring. I'd hoped that, with the addition of some great WR talent, the Ravens could score...but they didn't put on a fireworks show last night. In this "era" of great offensive teams, the Jets and Ravens (at least last night) made offense ....offensive.

And, to sum up the Ravens...they just won, as they tend to do.