This too passed

Some years ago I ham-handedly attempted to engage a dear friend in conversation about September 11th, kind of a "where were you that day?" kind of question. Her reply was silence. At first, it struck me as odd, because I just kind of fill the air with noise when I get talking and probably overshare what's going on in my cranium. That, really, was that - end of that thread of the conversation.

But it demonstrates how people can deal with that kind of trauma in a public way (eulogies, life-affirming exercises, etc) and an intensely private way. So it is with all such things, I suppose.

Well, over the years I've heard several 9-11 stories. Two former classmates of mine worked in the WTC and were late to work that morning, thus escaping calamity. For me, that's as close to the tragedy as I ever got - and it's remote at that. Of course, I've also heard the stories of men and women who volunteered their lives for a military career, the stories of the brave men and women who risked all they had to help saves lives, and the (to my eyes and ears) extraordinary bravery of the everyday people on Flight 93 over Shanksburg, Pennsylvania, who made damned sure the terrorist bastards didn't blow up another building full of people.

My story is simple, and probably trite. But it's mine. There's no bravery or anything exceptional in it.

Nine years later and this morning the sky is high and blue, it feels like God's turned on the A/C unit and the air is clean and dry. Feels just like it did that morning.

I was a defense lawyer working with my dad's firm, and business was picking up. I'd attracted a few good cases and money was trickling in - perhaps slower than I'd have liked but it was coming in nonetheless.

I still recall the client's name, up in Washington County, Maryland, a guy with a bunch of misdemeanor charges pertaining to varied alleged traffic offenses. I was bouncing on my toes while waiting to talk to the prosecutor, I think it was a little before 8:00 in the morning. Over the next hour I managed to convince her of the glaring weaknesses of her case and by 9am we were strolling out of the courthouse unscathed. I was a big, swinging DEFENSE lawyer who'd gamed the system. I totally rocked.

So I thought. I switched on the radio but was only half-listening as I returned to my office. I checked in with my secretary and bragged a bit about how great it'd gone, I think I might've spoken to another lawyer. I recall hearing Howard Stern say something about an airplane striking one of the 2 towers, but it didn't immediately sound credible - almost a put-on. I switched stations and another DJ mentioned it. From then on, well --- we all lived through it so there's no point in me regurgitating it all.

So, once back to the office, the first thing I'm thinking is that it's another Oklahoma City nutcase intent on taking out Federal offices. I call Carol and beg her to get our 2 kids out of the building (they were in the daycare) and pick up Sarah (kindergarten) and get home. Which, thankfully, she did. I guess, like everyone else, I monitored the news and got the updates when the towers fell and when the plane in Pennsylvania went down. I got a call from a pregnant woman who's husband had just been killed in a rear-end accident near the intersections of Rte 29 and I-95 in Columbia (of course, this meant $$$ to the lawyers). I could not then - nor can I now- comprehend how she managed to survive that period of time in her life.

My recollection thereafter grows foggy with time. I recall things slowly returning to "normal" and how we - as a country - resumed our silly partisan ways. I recall soccer practices, paying bills, dealing with raising 3 kids while both of us were working full-time.

I guess it was later that year, I was stressed out by all the driving and running and The Struggle To Get It All Done....I sat with Carol around Christmas 2001 and said "what are we doing this for?"

I had entered law school after kicking around as a landscaper and teacher. I think I woke up one morning and gave it all the forethought of an A.A. Milne title: "Now I Shall Grow Up and Become a Lawyer." Honestly, I was grasping. I had no idea how to support my budding family on what I was making - and my options appeared limited. I did OK in law school, my career track was there, if I wanted it.

I enjoyed practicing law when I won cases, and liked it alot less when I lost. I think that's human enough. But - above all -I never LOVED it. Some people do, God bless 'em. From that starting point, the rest was simple.

What did I stand for? I had a family, that's a good start - though we hardly seemed like one. We were 5 people in constant motion. There was some anger, resentment, resignation, but above all I think there was frustration with where we were in life and where it looked like we were headed.

So. The Great Conclusory Statement. Change. I worked out a part-time schedule with my firm that would enable me to stay home with the pre-school "twins" (they're 14 months apart) and maintain a modicum of a practice. Probably one of the best decisions of my life. I haven't regretted it since. In part thanks to 9-11, and the reflection it sparked in my head.

And, well, that's my little story.

Without 9-11, there'd be no stay-at-home Dad at this address. I hope God blesses the men and women who lost their lives that day, and continues to bless our country and our world.