Survival of the fittest, with help from medicine

I'll let the readers (assuming there are any) pick out your blogger in the above photo. "Where's Bob?" Fun game, right? It's fun to have fun, yes?

So, over 2 weeks ago my BFU travelled South to Virginia Beach to enjoy the tremendous blessing that is a family beach house. It had been my grandmother's in her lifetime, and is now the sole property of my Dad, who shares it remarkably well for having been an only child.

Good start: the normal 5 hour drive took 12 hours. Uh-oh. We did have a chance to visit our pals The Gaskins of Ashland, Virginia, and they all seem healthy, wealthy, and wise. Hi, Edwin and Amy, and thanks for the chicken salad. This respite from the veritable Hell of Saturday traffic on I-95 was a great morale boost. But still, 12 hours on the road sucks.

I guess most of the 1st week was spent on the beach. We went surfing a few mornings and then swimming in the afternoons. It was a lazy week. Rain chased us up to Williamsburg one afternoon, which was a nice change of scenery. Friday brought more surfing, but somehow my wife bashed her foot up so badly it necessitated an ER trip. There was nothing broken but the bruising was bad.

By the weekend I'd developed an ear infection that took 2 trips to the Patient First clinic down there to clear up. It sucks to get old, I guess, as our kids had no health problems whatsoever.

Since it's a family house, it's always a place that needs work and this trip was no different. I cleaned out alot of old junk (there's still alot more) and got a plumber to fix some long-standing failed Mr. Fixit jobs (the toilet). The coup de grace was my great idea to have the outdoor drain cleared, which went from a 1 hour job to...well, no one knows exactly how many hours....that wasn't a fun day.

My in-laws booked a nearby hotel and visited, which was nice. We went to "Motorworld." Ate soft-serve and caramel corn, and - if you're ever there - the best fish tacos are at the Baja Cantina on 23rd street.

In between all that "stuff" I hope we all de-compressed. It's hard to say, because it seemed like every day had it's drama. One day it'd be injury, then illness, then the plumbing disaster, and EVERY day there was some inane argument about....Lord knows what. But we all survived and are home, tanned, and ready for school to start.

The end of the trip saw us hitting the East Coast Surfing Championships down at 1st street. This has always been a pretty cool event, but this year it was re-named (with a corporate name I won't bother printing here) and they'd set up about 50 booths for free giveaways.

This led to a throng, a massive, sweaty throng, of teenagers and hoarders descending upon the beach to grab free stuff from companies involved in the surfing "industry" (ie- Roxy, Hurley, etc etc). Of course we went. The crowd was mostly high school kids and the lines were long, hot, and somewhat unruly. Bikini-clad girls were getting logos stamped or spray-painted on their bodies. Everywhere you looked there were "cool" corporate logos, and tricked-out company reps passing out stickers and swag.

It seemed like something of a joke, these girls lining up to get corporate logos pasted on their bodies. No sillier than planting stickers on your truck (like me) guess.

Anyway, we got our free sh*t, too. And I managed to catch a few waves and get 2 whole feet on the board. Yes, I fell fairly soon thereafter (as in "immediatly"), but it was lotsa fun.

More importantly, my kids had a blast out there with me.

And, as we slide back into the routine back home, I think all of us enjoyed the hell out of our trip

NFL and no fun

Tomorrow is the first pre-season game for your (my) Washington Redskins. I've been a huge fan of the 'Skins and football since about 5th grade. I also pull for your New England Patriots. But, like a lot of you, I really enjoy the sport of (American) football and look forward to it about this time every year. Let's face it: I'm 38, married with kids....balding, thickening, and aging....what else is there (besides the inevitable blissful sleep known as death) to look forward to?

Loving football, however, doesn't mean I love everything about it. I don't love the "NFL brand." I don't like theme songs playing all the damned time. I don't like 101 commercials. I don't like pre-game shows that are longer than an hour.

Don't really LOVE the fantasy football thing, it's fun and I partake but it's become such a.....BIG DEAL...that it kinda sucks. Guys take trips to Vegas just to "do" a draft (umm....ok, yeah there's jealousy involved on that count), chicks play it (girls mess up EVERYTHING), and radio DJ's babble endlessly about it. Meh. It's OK but getting lamer all the time.

Kidding aside, I truly dislike the announcers and color guys who call these games on TV. Don't get me wrong, some of them are great (Jaworski clearly knows the sport, but Gruden delivers oral lovin' upon the players...it's embarrassing).

I really hate the warfare metaphors and similes. Folks, I'm climbing on the soapbox. We send boys to foreign lands to fight wars. Those kids face death and madness every day. And yet, ALL of our elected leaders would allow us (and encourage us) to ignore all that - sacrifice nothing - and worry over Fat Albert Hayneworth's conditioning ("see what condition my condition's iiiiin") problems or Lindsay "milk-a-what?" Lohan's problems. I think they like us nice and placid, ignoring the horrors out there. We could have war bonds, a draft, etc etc etc.

Hell, these "gridiron gladiators" should be cutting a nice 50% of their take home pay and giving it to the poor kids who're coming home in pieces - mentally or physically. This country - you and me- we chew these kids up and spit them out, then get new ones to chew.

OK, I think the NFL can do that to kids too. It's a dangerous game and there are too many kids who go for the bucks and glory and don't make it. But they're not coming home without arms or legs, or with a head full of scrambled eggs.

Ahem. Climbing off the self-righteous soapbox now. Sermon over. Moving on, it's vacation time and that means 2 weeks of sun and surf. [and perhaps this is what we all truly do, when one's family is blessed not to have a member overseas in some wretched part of the world risking life and limb, we all just accept it and try our best to move forward, keep living]

Before I go on that great trip, and before my 'Skins play a game, here's my 1st ever NFL prognostications for 2010-11. I base this on very little knowledge and very much Gut.

NFC East:

1- Dallas: it pains me. Yeah, they look to be the best team in the division.

2-NY Giants: could surprise the Cowboys, but probably not.

3-Washington: I think McNabb has some left in the tank, and the defense might be really good. But it's probably 18 years without a title and counting. Even if I'm wrong, they'll be better than last year.

4- Philly: MAYBE. They could be 3rd if DC goes belly-up like usual.

NFC North:

1-Green Bay: yup, Aaron Rogers.

2-Minnesota: nope, no Favre

3- Chicago: a better season than 2009-10, but they overpaid in free agency.

4- Detroit: I really would like to see the Lions have a GREAT season. Not yet.

NFC South

1- Saints. Period. But could hit that post-champ malaise

2-Falcons: they'll challenge New Orleans this year, Mattie Ryan rebounds a little from last year.

3-Carolina: running in a passing league....nope

4- Tampa: whatever.

NFC West

1-San Francisco: If Alex Smith can complete a few passes, Gore can run and the D is improved.

2-Arizona: maybe. If Leinart comes in and plays well.

3-St. Louis: they will improve

4- Seattle: not this year.

AFC East

1-Jets: Another painful pick. I love me them Patriots, but the Jets look pretty loaded.

2-Pats: a shaky end to last season inspires some god-darned greatness

3-Dolphins: soon.

4- Bills: good for little more than snow games

AFC North

1-Baltimore: the Ravens have been doing good things for 11 years. Same this year.

2-Cincinnati: they weren't a total fluke last year, might challenge for a division title

3-Pittsburgh: rapist QB = A lost season in Pittsburgh. Ben will play well when he's on the field.

4-Cleveland: I pull for the Browns, like I do the Lions....why not?

AFC South

1-Tennessee: my big upset pick. Vince Young shows up to play and a solid team takes a division

2- Colts: don't like Messr. Manning. Hope I'm right

3-Texans: Maybe. Good QB and WR, but....

4-Jaguars: Hi, we're the London Jags, sod off!

AFC West

1-Denver: When San Diego slips, as they're gonna, the Broncos are ready

2- Chargers: before pride cometh the fall

3-Chiefs: improved but still bad

4-Raiders: for the sake of their fans, hopefully they improve. Campbell isn't a bad start.

That's it. I won't attempt to break down records and stuff. I think we'll see Dallas and Green Bay play for the NFC title and then Baltimore and the Jets play in the AFC.

Or, I'm completely wrong and know nothing and am therefore dumber than a block of wood. Who cares? It'll be fun to watch.

More than is to be meeting the eye

OK, this'll be a complete and totally geeky entry...

I guess around 6th or 7th grade a kid named Cooper who played 2nd base on my baseball team had an awesome looking toy car that transformed into a robot. I recall the toys way before I ever saw the show. I was waaay too old to be hanging around playing with toys but for whatever reason (interactivity, coolness, arrested development) I got into it. I think my kid brother brought home one that was a red Lamborghini, and it also helped that one of my second cousins about my age bought some, too. Anyway, I was a Transformers fan, despite being 11 or 12 years old (and older, I'll admit).

Of course, lots of us recall the show. I got into it. I really did. The great leader Optimus Prime who talked like John Wayne and his loyal noble Autobot followers juxtaposed with the malevolently brilliant Megatron and the power-mad Decepticons.... plus cool theme songs and all that Japanimation. Again, they all changed into cool cars or jets or (for a time) guns. Every episode consisted of both factions at their secret base planning stuff....fights ensue wherein miraculously NO ONE AND NOTHING is killed or seriously injured...and the show ended with some character making a "joke" and everyone laughs....end scene.

It was something I never would talk about at school, my classmates seemed to have moved away from childish pleasures and were interested in girls and looking cool for their benefit. I had this huge crush on the aforementioned Cooper's older sister - it was, like most of my crushes - unspoken --- but I suppose it was a way to connect with my younger siblings and (I'm guessing here) indulge the kid in me that didn't want to grow up. I watched it just about every day with them (and the other junk that was on-air: GI Joe, Thundercats, whatever) and at the time I thought it was ....really cool. Anti-climactic I know.

I recall hanging with the show (and to an extent the toys) till I got my first job. Something about working 10 - 12 hours in the summer heat left me uninterested with kids' toys. Oh, and I guess it also helped that I fell into a relationship with a young lady and my attentions were drawn elsewhere. Yeah, I know they'd made a movie at some point, but I didn't go see it.

I only had a few, and the few I had I kept. No real reason. Perhaps I liked the cars, still. In any case they sat at my mom and dad's house for a decade and then-some. As we know these days, the Transformers franchise is a money-printing endeavor. The movies, the toys, the games, some decent comics, Megan Fox, blah blah blah.

Hooray for Hasbro. Really, bravo. The movies were OK. Not great, kinda awful in spots, and I didn't care for the fact that the robots were practically indistinguishable. (yes, I know how dumb I sound).

But along the way, my kids picked up the old toys I had and read the old comics and (now) are playing the latest game and watch DVDs of the old show and...well.....it's kinda cool. I'm not exactly sure why.

Just today, my sons (10 and 4) are sitting on our floor playing with toys my brothers and I had nearly 25 years ago. Of course, they've also got some of the newer versions of the old stuff but by my count there's something like 10 "old hands" that were there when I was a grade-schooler. I'm not exactly sure why that's cool. Perhaps it's akin to the closing of Toy Story 3, where the older kid realizes his stuff is in good hands and he's happy to see that his childhood possessions are going to be played with all over again with young imaginations.

And, I guess that's what it evokes, watching my 4-year old son push a tractor-trailer around on the floor and (loudly) stating "roll out"). Sometimes history repeats itself.

If I wasn't a bastard, I'd think about tearing up.

Cannibalism, and the Prison-based model, Rehabilitation or Retribution?

As better bloggers than myself have written, "what the hell is Grimace?" See, for example, the guy at popcultureaddict.com.

I, as others before, have pondered that question and was doing so yesterday while sipping a cool Pepsi from an old McDonaldland glass -- with Grimace on it. You know Grimace, right? Big purple....thing. Perhaps it was the heat of the day baking my brains, or the lead in the old drinking glass taking affect, or brain cancer....or simply the by-product of an idle mind. Grimace graces a couple glasses and I have a bobblehead of him in my kitchen. Me am dumb, I know.

OK, I looked it up.

When I was a kid and watched TV McDonald's had their great ad campaigns for kids featuring McDonaldland, and Grimace was Ronald's purple pal, a kind of pear-shaped purple thing-a-ma-jiggie who liked to waddle around with a shake and would talk like Lenny from "Of Mice an Men", like "duuuuuh, McDonald's is good." He was purple, loveable, and harmless.

[As an aside, I realize why Mickey D's lost Grimace over time, as more and more of us are starting to LOOK like Grimace it's less of a happy cartoon and more of a true-life story. That, and of course the McDonaldland commercials were whacked. Why would Mayor McCheese eat a burger? ]

But, like everything comfortable in life (and Grimace does indeed look comfortable) there was a dark past I knew nothing about. {I got all this from popcultureaddict and Wikipedia, not exactly Black's Law Dictionary} Grimace was conceived as a character who would push the wonderful line of McDonald's shakes. In doing so, he was a villain who would steal all the shakes and sodas at McDonalds and thus ruin all of the kids' fun. Go ahead, hit YouTube and type in a search for Evil Grimace. It's bad video, as it's old. He had 6 arms and talked like a simpleton, but he was an evil kleptomaniac who destroyed children's enjoyment of fast food by stealing their sodas - which he'd take back to his cave.

Some time later, 4 arms were removed and the "evil" moniker was lost in favor of just plain old happy and dumb Grimace. Was it- as some suggest- a lobotomy and multiple limb amputation? Perhaps. Or - my favorite theory - some weird Taliban/McDonald's behavioral torture ("I'll take one of your 6 arms off if you don't quit stealing shakes you fat purple f&ck!" Grimace holds out, like Jack Bauer, but finally is "rehabilitated."). Or...as is most likely, he's the result of some lawsuit between McDonald's and the Kroft brothers, and McDonald's lost.

Whatever the case, Grimace was never evil again. He became GOOD.

I like to think that in this case, the system worked, and that people, even purple blobs, can be rehabilitated. Sure, he had 6 arms and liked shakes....who doesn't like shakes? Maybe he re-assimilated the other 4 arms when he realized that he didn't need so many arms to steal them with. One morning, Grimace woke up and looked in the mirror and saw a former milkshake thief and said, out loud, "I'll never steal again." He took it a day at a time, and effectuated true change. It's easy to scoff. We tend to like to lock our problems away and produce large labels in large letters to BRAND people with. Yet, we talk out of both sides of our mouths. A six-month sentence, a 6 year sentence, or six life sentences - when you come out on the other side you're considered a CRIMINAL. Yeah, there are some people who won't hire you or talk with you. It's uncomfortable I guess.

I've seen it, I was a lawyer and did some criminal practice. People are treated like they've got a disease, like lepers.

The truth is that most ex-cons made (like all of us) some pretty bad decisions that landed them in prison. Some of us might not have made the same bad decisions, and some of us are just lucky to have never been put in the position to have to make those bad decisions in the first place. It's not just brains, or breeding. Sometimes it's only a matter of stupid-ass luck.

But, after the sentences are served and the halfway houses completed, the guys and gals who look themselves in the mirror and reconcile who they want to be with who they are -they seem to do OK. Our country spends alot of time and money putting people in jail, with the hopes that time in prison will "fix" the person's problem. And, as has been widely reported - our system fails miserably, with recidivism rates that are larger than anyone would like to see or believe to be true.

As usual, in the end, I'm a softy. I want to believe people can be redeemed and rehabilitated. I do indeed believe in second and third and fourth chances for anyone and everyone. Call me pretentious or naiive or just plain dumb.

Duuuuuhhh.....I like milkshakes too!