Here she iiiiiissss!

Oh yeah, that's riiiight. See that, guys and gals....this is the hot one. The sexy pick to ascend to the top of your NFL heap. All raven-haired and ....stuff. OK so I'm running on friggin' fumes here. Shoot me. It's a free blog.

Your Atlanta Falcons are now considered to be - if you believe the fans who are employed as "sportscasters" at ESPN or the like - The Best Team in the NFL. They beat the Ravens, Packers, and Saints. Went to OT with the Steelers. Tough to argue, but it's only November 30th by my calendar -- there's a lot more football to be played.

How was your Thanksgiving? Mine was pretty good, but after eating and drinking (Amanda, your pumpkin martinis were simply diiiiVINE! mmwwwah!) I couldn't fit into MY cheerleader costume for days. My brother smoked the turkey we ate that night, it was outstanding. We visited my in-laws in the mid-afternoon while the Pats were on. Good times.

But the games kinda sucked, huh?

12-4 on the week, which brings my non-expert total to 84-63. NOW I'm winnin' some cash...

NE beats Detroit: Detroit has a good defense and a great WR. The offensive line is serviceable but they lack a running back who can do....anything. Detroit's Matt Stafford is still hurt, which kills them. Patriots are streaking but that weak defense is troubling....

New Orleans beats Dallas: close call. Poor Jon Kitna, all work and no play in mopup duty for his entire career.

Cincinnati loses to NY Jets: you know that the NFL would LOVE to have a game every Thanksgiving evening in NYC. The money! The glitz! The money! Whatever.

Green Bay loses to Atlanta: hot n' sexy in the dirty South. Flap your wings, Falcons. Any chance that the NFC South goes back-to-back Super Bowls?

Pittsburgh beats Buffalo: poor Stevie Johnson. Drops more balls than a........never mind

Carolina loses to Cleveland: Browns coulda been a contender. Long Carolina season.

Jacksonville loses to NY Giants: no miracles this week. Blah

Minnesota beats Redskins: Jenn Sterger's psychic ghost was chasing him on that late 4th-quarter run. "Brett....I want an AUTOGRAPPPPHHHED picture!!!"

Tennessee loses to Houston: right. Houston fears success but Tennessee fears Vince Young.

KC beats Seattle: only because Seattle did not wear the neon green jerseys

Miami beats Oakland: Raiders now fear success, and are hoping for Al Davis to just die, baby.

St Louis beats Denver: Josh McDaniels had set up cameras to spy on the St Louis Blues. Big mistake.

Philly loses to Chicago: how? Crazy. Woof woof

Tampa loses to Baltimore: someday soon Tampa will be a good team. Maybe real soon.

San Diego beats Indy: Go gently into the night, Peyton. They love to see you on the way up but would love to kick you on the way down even more.

SF beats Arizona: funny game, right? ha ha. Don't laugh at me. Boo hoo. Derek Anderson's a ninny. Anyone watch this DOG? I chose "The Walking Dead" - -it was more...lively! I'm here all week!

Sunshine on a cloudy day, folks. Have fun out there but be safe.

Happy Thanksgiving, and (of course) football picking

So the experiment continues. I'm now 72-59 for the season after an extraordinarily lucky week. In the spirit of the holiday, I'll express thanks for my luck.

Hell, I've had lots of it - really and truly. I'm fortunate to have been born in a great country, to have been raised by two good parents, to have known 3 of 4 great grandparents, to have a couple of good guys who happen to be my brothers, to have seen the things I've seen and done the things I've done. Of course I would be in complete remiss if I left out my wife, Carol, and our four kids: Sarah, Camille, Bobby, and Jack. I've learned more about life from them than I ever did in any classroom I ever sat in. My friends and acquaintances as well, if I've known you, you've probably made my life better. So, thanks. Not sure I'll waste more Internet space enumerating it all in great detail - thank God it's all happened the way it has. Healthy, wealthy, and wise - despite my innumerable shortcomings.

Ready for excess? Here it comes, beginning with the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. An extended commercial for what's playing on NBC and Broadway. I watch it anyway - they gots the big balloons, Maw!

Then come the countless sales and advertisements touting hearth and home, and so it comes to pass that the march to Christmas takes on a joyless commercial tone. Nah. Don't let it. Have fun. It's fun to have fun, right?

Speaking of fun, Thanksgiving gives us NFL football. Here's my picks:

New England at Detroit: Patriots. Lions will make Thanksgiving interesting in the near future, but not this year.

New Orleans at Dallas: Saints. Not enough to play for in Dallas. But they'll bounce back.

Cincinnati at NY Jets: yes, TO, your team is terrible. Jets.

Green Bay at Atlanta: Falcons at home. Good matchup - wish it was on Monday night

Pittsburgh at Buffalo: Steelers should win this, but it might be a close game.

Carolina at Cleveland: Browns. Long season in Carolina

Jacksonville at NY Giants: another intriguing game. I lean Giants.

Minnesota at Washington: Oh, man. I believe in my team but I think that the Vikings will play hard. Redskins.

Tennessee at Houston: Texans should rebound

KC at Seattle: Chiefs are the better team.

Miami at Oakland: Raiders want to show they can play with good teams, should win.

St Louis at Denver: Denver at home

Philadelphia at Chicago: Eagles should win on the road

Tampa at Baltimore: might be a close game, give it to the home team - Ravens

San Diego at Indy: Chargers are gearing up yet again for their PUTSCH.

San Francisco at Arizona: see? Oh wow, who cares?! What is the sound on no one watching? 49ers.

Enjoy the turkey, family, friends, and other assorted holiday happiness. Have a blessed one, all.

Life just gets in the way, man

No time for bloviating this morning. I gotta go help unload Xmas trees and move poinsettias and all that Christmas farm kind of thing.

As some of you know, I help my pals at Greenway Farms, and that means selling Christmas trees in good old Woodbine, Maryland. Between my duties there and a trip to the zoo on Tuesday (with a detour to the Twinbrook Armand's Pizza) I've been busy.

But my picks were awesome, I was 13-2 for the week. That pushes me to an overall 72-59 for the season which is far and away my largest margin of the season. My thanks to the Buffalo Bills, Dallas Cowboys, and MUCH love to the Redskins for their big wins last week - you made me look smart.

Last Sunday was fun. Had to go to a pub to watch the Skins because our local Fox affiliate won't air the game. Favre's star dims even further (didn't anyone tell him Unitas played his last season in San Diego?); Dallas looks smart for drafting Dez Bryant; Houston REALLY sucks.

As for The Rapist, great video of him getting clobbered by former Patriot Richard Seymour. Nice move, Big Rich. El Rapist fell like .......oh, hell, make up your own simile.

"Oh no! It's Gano!" My new Redskins rally cry. Worst. Kicker. Since. Scott Suisham. The Redskins haven't had a good one since Chip Lohmiller. 18 years ago. Ye gods.

The big news this morning is that Bristol Palin didn't win Dancing with the Stars. Whatever. The arguments for and against her are simply dogs chasing their tails: she wouldn't be on the show without her famous-yet-divisive mom, and she wouldn't have been amongst the finalists without the same "help." The kid gets stuck in between herself and her mom - the lovers and the haters. I feel bad for her, not like she deserves it. But then, she goes and practically asks for the negativity by taunting it -- nice and classy move, way to show you're above the fray. But Bristol's only 20, so it's not like she should know better.

I wish her mom did. Yeah, go support your kid.....but don't refer to her competition on a game show as a "cause." Dummy.

No, I didn't watch until the last 5 minutes. We emptied our DVR, watched "Walking Dead" and "Sons of Anarchy" up until 10:55 pm. And our nightcap was the weepy Jennifer Grey. Ugh. By the end of the 5-minute suckfest I was wishing that Bristol had won instead.

Enjoy the busiest travel day of the year. I know I will.

Free Football Picks

See the picture? These picks are the best.

Having fully digested the repulsive toxic stew that was Monday night's Redskin loss, I'm ready to get back in the saddle and ride some more. The Caps game last night helped a bit, even though I FB'd about yet another weird defensive collapse to the Buffalo Sabres. Not to worry, though, the good guys won.

You like hockey, right? I do, but am getting a little annoyed by the way that Alex Ovechkin barrels after loose pucks only when there's an empty net. If you want to see how a person should shoot on an empty net, look up Alexander Semin's amazing shot from last night's game. That's harder than it looks, folks.

Back to football of the National variety, here's my cold-as-stone locks:

Chicago at Miami: I can either watch this game or catch up with "The Walking Dead." I'm leaning towards catching up, then tuning this one in late. Dolphins at home.

Buffalo at Cincinnati: The more talented team should be chosen, right? On paper the Bengals should win this handily. Since the game's not played on paper, Buffalo.

Detroit at Dallas: without Matt Stafford, I'll take Dallas. Though the Lions defense might be more than Dallas can handle (if they show up).

Washington at Tennessee: I'm believing in #5. Believing. Not really thinking. Just believing. Redskins to bounce back.

Arizona at KC: Chiefs at Arrowhead. No way Cardinals win this.

Green Bay at Minnesota: no laughing in Minnie-ha-ha. Packers prevail over Team Turmoil.

Houston at NY Jets: Team Underachievement versus Team Hype. Houston apparently has no defensive players who actually play football on Sundays. We'll call it the "Cardboard Cutout" defense. It's sheer genius, since then they don't have to pay actual people to play. Sorry, Mario Williams.....Jets.

Oakland at Pittsburgh: a few weeks ago, nay a month ago - this one looked like a laugher. IF Oakland can run the ball and IF Campbell can complete some play-action and IF the Raiders defensive backs can run with the Pittsburgh WR's and IF Richard Seymour and his linemates can pressure The Rapist then Oakland could have a chance. Steelers.

Baltimore at Carolina: Ravens. Next.

Cleveland at Jacksonville: you can get lucky 2 weeks in a row, just not insanely lucky. I think that Hillis guy can run. Browns.

Tampa Bay at San Francisco: Buccaneers are a rising team. 49ers were supposed to be. As a wise man once said, "well if "ifs" and "buts" were candies and nuts, oh what a Christmas party we'd have, next caller!" Bucs

Seattle at New Orleans: two inconsistent teams, but one's the defending Super Bowl champ. Saints.

Atlanta at St. Louis: Falcons. You're next!

Indianapolis at New England: Patriots looked really good last Sunday beating the Steelers in Pittsburgh. Colts have an offense that's playing valiantly despite all of their injuries but they have little left on defense. Pats.

NY Giants at Philadelphia: Eagle fans want desperately to cheer like madmen for another blowout win - this time at home and not at TFFKAJCKS. If the Giants show up like they did last week against Dallas, they might get their wish. Eagles.

Denver at San Diego: Denver is screwy. San Diego is screwy. Antonio Gates might now play, which is sucky. Chargers, only because they have Phillip Rivers and not Kyle Orton.

Enjoy The Rapture

5 minutes on Bristol Palin

I swear I won't go one second longer on something I'm just not qualified to discuss.

So Bristol Palin, daughter of former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, was chosen to be on "Dancing with the Stars." I don't watch it, but I tuned in yesterday evening because: 1) I'd read some articles in the papers that seemed overly nasty in tone; and 2) there was nothing else on TV.

The "journalists" who were "reporting" on the TV show seem to all feel that there's a "Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy" afoot to vote lil' old Bristol into the finals of this show to be the winner. Apparently (and I'm too lazy to do the research and have a self-imposed time limitation I'm up against) there are organizations out there that are trying to manipulate the voting.

And Bristol, poor thing, is a little awkward on the dance floor. I feel for her, I have 17 left feet. Plus, she's at an awkward stage, not a girl and not quite a woman (but a well-publicized mom). She's certainly not the standard Hollywood Hot Waif. I don't know if she enjoys the spotlight all that much, she doesn't say a whole heck of a lot. Of course, being the first-born of She Who Controls All Media These Days helped her enormously. I gotta believe that there is a segment of the populace who votes desperately and repeatedly in order to support Their Gal, you betcha.

But, that doesn't mean there's a Conspiracy or anything so insidious. Complete rubbish. Even if there is, SO FRIGGIN' WHAT, IT'S A TV SHOW. Let them have their fun on TV, and stay the hell away from the White House.

So, to sum up: leave the kid alone and quit being so mean to her, you bitter and angry TV "reporters." Everyone else, go fart in a bathtub for all I care (it makes a cool noise). The stupid show's absolutely unwatchable.

3 minutes over. Apologies.

Here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again

Oh, bloody hell. 59-57 it is.

"Half of what I say is meaningless..." The Beatles. Ok, probably a little more than half in my case.

My pal Fred has played on the same hockey team with me since 1999 and is a long-suffering Eagles fan (and all things Philly). He had an extra ticket (free!) to last night's Redskins-Eagles game and I was up for it. All things were pointing to a fun game, at the very least: home game, after a bye week, great pre-game atmosphere, and the cherry on top should have been the news that Donnie Mac had signed a deal to stay in DC..

Of course, as the kids say these days, Epic Fail.

Wow. I picked the Eagles to win but never expected the epic-ness of the epic loss to be quite as epic as it epically turned out to be. Offensive line? Who needs that? Defensive competence? Nah, over-rated. Commence smacking palm to forehead, forehead to keyboard, and grinding one's teeth at night.

Or, get over it. Just a damned football game.

OK, I get the fan anger. You spend $$$ on tickets. $$$$ on parking or Metro. $$$$ on jerseys and hats and all that crap. $$$$$$$ on stadium concessions. If the Redskins Board of Directors consist of actual Redskin fans, it's not a pretty sight.

We took the Metro option to The Godawful Field Formerly Known as Jack Kent Cooke Stadium in Raljon, Maryland (TGFFKJKCS, for short). The train ride's not bad, the walk to the stadium bearable.

Let me digress for a moment: I had a Johnny Rockets burger that seemed to be exactly ONE year old. There was, ostensibly, "special sauce" on this burger. NOTE TO A Messr. DANIEL M. SNYDER: your burger joint makes decent burgers and shakes. Why are you allowing Fedex Field to call those hockey pucks "Rocket Singles" when the only rocket they should bring to mind is the food on Apollo 11? It was, bar none, the worst $10 burger I've ever forced myself to eat simply because I paid $10 for it like a jackass. I guess this proves my father's assessment of my brainpower to have been correct all along. JACKASS.

So. Good seats in Section 114 which is corner end-zone but high enough we could see everything. I can see the Monday Night Football guys, we wander down and say hi to Matt Millen, Mike Tirico, and Steve Young. But ignore Stuart Scott. The Stadium DEEJAY keeps blasting the opening bars of the MNF theme at higher decibels than jet air-o-planes, and the anticipation is palpable - the air gets all excited with the yelling and cheering, and "oh man this is gonna be great." This is only amplified when the two teams appear to air some bad blood before hitting the locker room.

Great idea. Get the Eagles all scared and sh%t. Whoops.

OK, the first 28 points were for practice, then the Redskins got serious. Well, semi-serious. Then the rain started and never stopped. Oh, how fitting. There was a second half of the game, wherein footballs were thrown and caught primarily by Eagles and tackles were made. By the Fourth Quarter the place was empty (note for the record that the 200 level club seats were empty by the end of the Second Quarter - the Washington Redskins corporate motherf-ers....best fans in professional footballllllll! Who leave at the first sight of a lousy game.

Fred sported his Philly Flyers sweater (in hockey you call a jersey a sweater) and was high-fived by every green-sporting moron in attendance (there were alot, they all yelled "EEEEEagles! or Flyyyyerrrrs!). Fred was practically Mayor of Raljon, Emperor of TGFFKJCKS everyone left was his best friend, and I trailed behind him like the ugly, chunky gal he'd taken out on a date but was embarrassed to acknowledge in my Redskins jersey. I think the colloquy went : "Go Flyers!" Fred gets high-fived. "Oh, he's with you, sorry about those Skins, man."

Skins fans, with little to brag about, fought amongst themselves like cannibals living at the end of days. Guys were being egged on to fight by heavily-smoking girls, and were alcohol-fueled enough to accept this as good advice. I counted two such incidents. On the way back to the Metro two Skins fans were wrestling each other on the road leading to Fedex. Not a pretty sight. As a parent, I had to ask a couple ninnies who liked screaming profanities to shut their mouths - since I noticed a few kids who appeared to be 7 or 8 year-olds right in front of them. Guess I'm an old fart but they complied without starting yet another altercation.

De-evolution, I guess. In the world of the dumb, there are no winners.

Hail to the Redskins, indeed. Barf.

Boy, that was fun.

Fun game last night, huh? For a bunch of you Steeler fans, probably not. And the generic football fan might've grown bored. I was riveted. I told y'all about karma and The Rapist....it's comin' round.

Which is a shame, because the Pittsburgh Steelers have a damned good football team. Until last night.

Weird season, isn't it? They keep talking about how this year represents Pete Rozelle's "any given Sunday" paradigm at its' best. I respectfully disagree, and offer the following as evidence:

1- The 1999-00 Rams come out of nowhere to win a title

2-The 2000-1 Ravens come out of nowhere to win a title

3- The 2001-2 Patriots come out of nowhere with a no-name QB and win a title

4- The 2002-3 Buccaneers handily demolish a supposedly superior Raider team

5- After the coronation of a New England dynasty and Peyton Manning, the 2007-8 NY Giants come out of nowhere to win a title, beating the supposedly unbeatable Patriots.

6-The 2009 Arizona Cardinals take a superior Steeler team to the LAST DAMNED PLAY of the Super Bowl.

OK, so there was a lull there between 2004 and 2008, wherein the Steelers, Patriots, and Colts all won titles they were expected to compete for. This year is not really different, the surprises being (so far) the implosions of teams in Dallas and Minnesota.

So, back to yesterday. I was 5-7, makes me 58-57 going into tonight- and I'm on record for the Eagles.

Atlanta beats Baltimore: how? I wasn't expecting the result even though I picked it.

Buffalo beats Detroit: missed this one. Should've checked to see if Stafford was playing. This was The Toilet Bowl, 2010

Chicago beats Minnesota: no more texting jokes. It's played. Stop. Just. Stop.

NY Jets beat Cleveland: what's with Cleveland? They take New England O-U-T. Take the Jets to OT. Old-time football, methinks.

Colts beat Bengals: poor Bengals. Awful ballhandling, I prefer that balls are handled with much more care than the manner in which the Cincinnati Bengals handled their balls yesterday. Colts are beatable but still in the mix.

Miami beats Tennessee: with a 3rd string QB. Titans still have CJ, but a couple more like this and they'll be done.

TB beats Carolina: Bucs are patsies no more. Lengthy season on Carolina.

Jax beats Houston: the DUHHHHHH move of the week (so far, as the Redskins play tonight). Last play of the game, the Houston D-back bats the ball TO THE WRONG PLAYER. Who scores. Classic. Cue the carnival music!

Denver beats KC: badly. The spiral apparently went upwards for Denver instead of downwards as predicted by my jackass self. The spiral must've been in Australia, I guess.

Dallas beats NY Giants: Redskin fans needed Dallas to win to slow down Big Blue, if the 'Skins are to have any hope of competing in the division. Now, that sounds like a laugh right now, but...any...given.....Monday...

Seattle beats Arizona: roller-coaster ride in Seattle. Fine.

SF beats St. Louis: another Toilet Bowl. I picked Rams and lost. Whatever.

New England beats Pittsburgh: AT PITTSBURGH. This was huge after the Browns manhandled the Patriots last Sunday. The Rapist manages to hang in there (hey, he's a fine QB, apparently just a louse of a guy - it happens) and keep the game tight. The real head-scratcher is the Steeler running game, it disappeared. I know they were banged up on the offensive line, but the Patriots don't exactly sport a D-line like Baltimore or the 1985 Bears.

I should probably get of The Rapist's back. This season we have two QB's looking for PR help in The Rapist and The Dog Butcher. Somehow, The Dog Butcher seems to be held to a higher standard than The Rapist - like Vick's got more to atone for than The Rapist does. I don't get it, they're two very inappropriate and unacceptable behaviors. Vick went to jail. The Rapist lost 4 games. Tell me that's fair treatment. Go ahead, try and convince me.

Who's the best team going right now?

In the NFC they told us Philly was the best team, we'll see tonight. Or the Giants, whoopsies! Or the Saints? Meh, not yet. How about the Falcons? They beat Baltimore. Or the Packers? The Redskins beat the Packers, can't be them. The Redskins? Please. As we said in high school, get off my jock.

The AFC? Oh, definitely the Steelers. Wait, not anymore. The Colts, yes. Or not. The Ravens, but wait they lost to the Pats and Falcons. The Jets. Clearly the Jets. Oh wait, they've lost to Green Bay (who lost to the Redskins). Let's try the Patriots. But they got shellacked by Cleveland. OK, then, Cleveland.....nope, as the old commercial said, "not thick enough." Let's try Kansas City. Nope. Cleveland? ummmmmmmmmmmmmm

And therein lies all the fun. Only 8 teams can make the playoffs. See you in Raljon tonight

Thursday picks

November's a weird time of year at this house. My eldest child's marching band season is over, my own ice hockey season ramps up a bit, and my older son's hockey season does as well. But, conversely, my work schedule slows down and there's a little less to do during the week. I'm not complaining, it gives me time to catch up on stuff I should've done months ago, like some indoor painting, putting up molding, etc.

Anyway.

Today's Veteran's Day which used to be Armistice Day. I was a high-school kid at St. John's College HS in DC, which used to be compulsory JROTC (wore the uniform, cut the hair, etc), but that was as close as I'd ever get to military service aside from walking into a USMC recruiter's office a little drunk one summer afternoon in 1991 (in a shopping mall, no less). My dad served in the Army National Guard for a few years in the 1970's, but never was called to Vietnam. My grandfathers and grandmothers both served in World War 2 (Coast Guard and Army), and both of my forebears saw combat in the European theater. They didn't talk about it much, and never bragged of their youthful exploits. There were no glorious stories of battle, only a simple acknowledgment that they'd seen war and were happy to forget it. At no point would either of my grandads have been comfortable being called "heroes."

I'm not sure that every man or woman who puts on the uniform today is a hero. I think politicians of all sides use patriotism as a campaign point and throwing the term "hero" around is specious. The over-use of the word has watered down it's meaning.

To all the veterans, living and dead, thanks for your service. I don't know if you're all heroes, but thanks nonetheless. You've been willing to do what a candy-assed guy like me was not.

Thanks, NFL Network, for extra football in November. Tonight's Ravens-Falcons match-up is a good one.

A good pal of mine is hooking me up with a ticket to Monday night's Eagles-Redskins game, which insures that me beloved Redskins will not only lose, but lose badly.

53-50 for this season, here's how I see week 10:

Baltimore at Atlanta: smart money's on the Ravens but the home team in this game is pretty good. Every week the "experts" coronate a new team as "the best in the NFC." I know the Ravens will probably win, but I'm picking Atlanta.

Detroit at Buffalo: Detroit, unless the QB position is unsettled.

Minnesota at Chicago: Vikings could be turning a corner. Or not.

NY Jets at Cleveland: I can't believe that Cleveland could knock off supposedly great AFC East teams in successive weeks. Detroit took the Jets to the mat last week, but I think New York's going to be prepared.

Cincinnati at Indianapolis: Bengals can't seem to turn the corner this year, and I think that the wheels have come off despite the fact that the Terrell Owens addition has been positive. Colts are banged up, but should win at home.

Tennessee at Miami: Chad Pennington is never the answer. Titans.

Carolina at Tampa Bay: Bucs.

Houston at Jacksonville: Houston is a talented team that can't seem to turn the corner I keep referring to. Jaguars aren't a great team, but could give Texans a rough ride.

KC at Denver: the spiral always spins downward. Josh McDaniels? Godspeed. Chiefs.

Dallas at NY Giants: really? This blog practically writes itself. Buh-bye, Dallas. Giants.

Seattle at Arizona: do I have to? Seahawks. They lost badly last week so they'll inexplicably bounce back this week.

St. Louis at San Francisco: again, the great flushing sound. St. Louis, simply because they seem to have momentum on their side.

New England at Pittsburgh: The Patriots laid a large, sulfury-smelling egg on the turf in Cleveland last Sunday. Sometimes you can polish a turd up until it shines in the sun - but it's still a turd. Or, to borrow yet another inept phrase, you can be looking California and feeling Minnesota...oh yeahhhhhh.

Right. The game. I'll take the Patriots, because part of me loves them. A little less than the Redskins, but still......

Eagles at Redskins: if London Fletcher can knock Mike Vick out in the 1st quarter again I will streak Fedex Field wearing nothing more than a Redskins knit hat. No one wants to see that, so let's hope it doesn't happen. My attendance at this game, as noted, means my beloved Redskins will lose. That said, please don't track me down and beat me up in order to sidetrack my attendance - I've got kids.

I think the Eagles are the better team, maybe the NFC's best. Maybe.

I realize I picked the Sunday night game with my heart and the Monday night game with my head. The struggle between the two rages on.....neither side wins.

Musical football

With all of the charm (and none of the noise) of Billy Big Mouth Bass, I've decided to recap my 8-5 week of NFL picks in verse. All songs that are referenced herein are not mine and all the rights and blah blah blah are reserved for the artists who wrote and recorded them. I like football and I like music, so I'm merging the two.

That's 53-50 so far this season. And, so we commence:

Atlanta beats Tampa Bay: Rule 1 here is "avoid the obvious, which means as much as I'd like to jot down a simple "haven't you heard/ about the bird/ well everybody's heard that the bird is the word" ....that's just slacking. How about "that's the night when the lights went out in Georgia"? Oh, the game was in Florida. I don't know, how can anyone get excited about an NFC South game?

Chicago beats Buffalo: got this one wrong. "gone daddy gone, love is gone away"

Cleveland dumps New England: whoops! "When the truth is found/ to beeeeeee lieeeees....and all the joy/ within you dieeeees"

NY Jets squeak past Detroit: Detroit is a better team than their record. This was a cruel result, all things considered. "...and I don't even know why/ the truth seems like a lie/ in my cell there is no sky/ when I was arrested in Shanghai". Or, in the alternative, "sometimes I think it's a sin/ when I feel like I'm winning when I'm losing again"

Minnesota beats Arizona: "the old get old and the young get stronger". At least this week.

New Orleans beats Carolina: badly. More NFC South. "Cat Scratch Fever?" Meh.

Baltimore beats Miami: "only want to see you laughing in the purple rain". Looking forward to Thursday football this week, the Atlanta-Baltimore game is a good matchup.

San Diego beats Houston: "someone help me/ Oh please God help me/ They're tryin' to take it all awayyyyyyyyy...". Houston simply does not want to be a good team.

NY Giants beat up Seattle: " because the sky is blue it makes me cry"

Oakland beats KC: "Raider man, got no choice about it/ raider man/ jumpin' up there on it"

Philly beats Indianapolis: It's almost Christmas. woof woof woof/ woof woof woof/ woof woof woof woof wooooof

Green Bay beats Dallas: of course they did. Green Bay gets to crank the fact that they're "back in the saddle again." Doesn't Clay Matthews look like a Teutonic Marc Gastineau? Jerry Jones' crap-ass team? A little different, he croons to Wade Phillips and company, "you can have it all/ my empire of dirt/ I will let you down/ I will make you hurt." Or, allowing my Redskins flag to fly: "I've got something to say-ay/ I killed your baby today and it/ doesn't matter much to me/ as long as it's dead."

Pittsburgh beats Cincy: Sheesh. Sucks that the Rapist wasn't simply suspended all season, because the Steelers as a team are really great, especially on defense. But, he's still there. "I'm not dead/ I'm in Pittsburgh/ where a man can lose his mind/ I'm not dead/ I'm in Pittsburgh/ they got me suited up for crazy times".

The Bengals??? "Soy un perdido, I'm a loser babyy......"

Hello, Belgium, our football is better!

First off, hallo to all of those reading this in Belgium. For whatever reason (terrorism, most likely) a whole slew of hits came in from Belgium last week. Thanks for reading. I'm sure once you've realized that there's not a whole hell of a lot that's written here of substance you'll move on. Besides, I'm not writing about soccer. I like my football like my cars: American. Ignore the fact, please, that my wife drives a Japanese mini-van. Add hypocrisy to the list of my crimes, St. Pete.

So my second-favorite football team laid an egg yesterday afternoon. I didn't get to watch it. In fact, I watched no afternoon football whatsoever. Yesterday evening, two NFL teams played what appeared to be one long game of JV vs. Varsity. Sorry, Dallas fans, there's always next year.

But boy, I saw the "highlights" and my Patriots sucked. Y'know, once not too long ago that was a gritty up-and-coming football team that played staunch defense and scored just enough points to win by running the football consistently and making opportunistic plays in the passing game with a scrappy young 6th round draft choice named Brady.

Now? There was the EPIC 16-0 season with the MORE EPIC failure in the Super Bowl - where this team was exposed as fraudulent. The QB? He's become a glamour boy and married to a model. Nice work, if you can get it. But his team has taken on that type of personality: all flash and no guts. Sports writers keep telling us that the NFL is a passing league and that the old "3 yards and a cloud of dust" days are over. Yet, time and again, teams do what Cleveland did yesterday: smashmouth football with a good young RB grinding out tough yards and then taking shots down the field with a competent (perhaps not flashy) passing game. Under the pressure to perform well, and with their vaunted offense sputtering, the Patriots defense wilted in Cleveland against an opponent who was young and hungry.

All last week writers were piling on the Bandwagon claiming that the "Patriots were back." And they might be, but Pittsburgh's waiting for them - if they're really "back" they'll have to prove it on the field and not in pre-game TV shows. Here's a free piece of advice for Coach Belichick and his hoodie: Finding a running-back might help.

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The rest of the weekend was a blur. Watched some hockey. Coached some hockey. Ran here, there, and everywhere. I have a 7-day work week, folks.

Bye now,

Fri-dee favorites

Before I launch into football picks for this weekend (next week I gotta post this Wednesday or Thursday before the Falcons-Ravens game, I guess) I want to whine about the poor nation of Haiti and its' people. Why is 2010 the year that God craps on Haiti so badly? Earthquake, Hurricane, it's biblical. Whenever I get to thinking that the whole "kind and benevolent God" idea is a bunch of hooey, it's Haiti. And it's childish of me to wish for happy things like that, I've given the money I can afford to give and good vibes are all I've got.

Lame, I know. Alot of good wishing will do anyone. I know I should count my own blessings, and I have more than I deserve, and pray for those less fortunate than I. But it sucks to see, and I always wonder if I could do more.

Are you like me? I feel like I'm stretched pretty thin. I'm a taxi-driver for 4 kids, the cook, the maid-service, the lawn boy, the parent, the husband, the hockey coach, the Mr. Fixit, the grocery-getter, and the Keeper of the Schedule around here. I spend most of my brief free time either playing hockey, getting some exercise at the gym, or working my little part-time job. I'd like to "do more" but feel like I'm doing a ton. Yet, for all that, I am aware that I'm a mere speck on a wart on a blue whale's ass - who's problems don't amount to a whole hell of alot.

Ok, sorry for all that. Misery business, you know.

This morning I heard about a new search engine called Blekko, wherein it allegedly improves upon the now-standard Google search by weeding out results that "are too brief." I was thinking that what's really needed is a search that's called Bloviator, wherein rambling posts like mine are weeded out to save you from hitting upon blogs just like this. Good idea, no?

On to football. This season continues to be weird and wonderful. My Redskins get a week off so my Sunday will be freer than normal. I'm 45-42 for the season so far.

Tampa at Atlanta: they keep telling us Atlanta is one of the best teams in the NFC but they're inconsistent. I guess the Falcons should win at home against a rising Buccaneer team.

Chicago at Buffalo: Buffalo. The Bears' ship is sinking, I just heard the orchestra playing "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald." Bills.

New England at Cleveland: a test for the Pats vs. the Coach Formerly Known as Man-Genius. Can they crush a lesser opponent? They should.

NY Jets at Detroit: Boy, I'm tempted to pick the upset here, too. Lions can play well on defense and the Jets were struggling offensively. But, on balance, I'll take the Jets defense over Detroit's for right now.

Arizona at Minnesota: Vikings have alot to prove in this game, Cardinals do not.

New Orleans at Carolina: long season in Carolina gets longer. Saints.

Miami at Baltimore: Ravens get two tough opponents this week with the Dolphins Sunday and Falcons Thursday. Miami took the Steelers to the mat and came up just short two weeks ago, I like the Dolphins this week.

San Diego at Houston: alot of offensive firepower on the field in this game. Lots of yards will be piled up. I think the Chargers are coming to life.

NY Giants at Seattle: Giants over an inconsistent Seattle team.

KC at Oakland: who's for real here? The outcome of this game will let us know. I'm leaning towards the Chiefs because I think they're further along than the Raiders.

Indianapolis at Philadelphia: Again, they keep telling my that the Eagles are a great NFC team, but they seem to get beaten by good AFC teams. Colts.

Dallas at Green Bay: Packers. Easy pick.

Pittsburgh at Cincinnati: Bengals fear success, and talk better than they play, Steelers.

Meet the new folks, same as the old folks

Well, couldn't pass on the Jon Boehner dig. Yeah, I work towards achieving the American Dream, too. Last I checked, everyone does. I believe we disagree with how to get there, and this disagreement would hardly make him my enemy even if he thought I was. Partisanship is weird, almost like a mania. I don't understand it, but I 've written about that before.

How much money was spent in this year's mid-terms? Some estimates approach $4 billion. Let's see......we have a relative few millionaire Democrats and millionaire Republicans spending VAST sums of money in order to obtain and wield power over us peasants (whether you know it or not, you are one; and if you think you're not you definitely are) who have to work for a living and make sacrifices in order to raise families and pay bills. Sounds like oligarchy to me. You don't know what it means? Look it up.

So these millionaires and their PACs or supporters spend half of 2009 and nearly all of 2010 trying to either: a) convince you they're good for the job/country, or b) scare you into voting for them because the other side's SO scary. Guess which option seems to work better? You bet, our old pal Fear. People are right, we're getting dumber as a nation (get it? a bad sentence, and one of many but I get to think I'm smart simply because I recognize the grammatical errors of my own sentences) and it shows in the ads we've been forced to watch for months.....they all appeal to the emotion - the heart - and almost never the mind.

Well, duh, you're thinking. We know all this. E.J. Dionne says it better (it's true).

So Republicans control the House, and some of those Tea Party folks were elected. What I found interesting about this election was that - for all the breathless media coverage of Sarah duh Palin and the Tea Party wingnuts she backed- the far right candidates that received so much attention were defeated. Joe Miller, Sharon Angle, and Witchie Poo come to mind.

It's not like this election was a referendum on duh Palin, but she was certainly out there being the Head Cheerleader for some of the crazier folks in the Tea Party. Are they truly crazy? Eh, I wouldn't know. Sometimes I've had a thought or idea that I would muse upon and decide later that I was crazy to have ever thought that. And my wife would tell you I've said nutty things, but no one ever had a camera and recorder on me because, like I said, I'm a peasant and no one cares what I say.

I think the GOP's victories this year were a response to ineffectiveness on the left. The left is crazy, too. I don't care for liberal mouthpieces Bill Maher or Keith Olberman for the same reasons I don't care for Limbaugh or DoucheBeck: none of these guys are crazy, mind you, but they're extreme in their views. Maher's oft-aired clips with Witchie-Poo included his pronouncement that praying to your God was akin to wishing on a star -he gleefully mocked the exercise of one's religion and made it sound childish and stupid. He's entitled to his views, hell, you might agree with him, but I don't think degrading and ridiculing people about their faith is an effective communications technique. It's just mean and base. And not very funny.

I don't buy into the idea that this was an election based solely upon deficit spending. My memory isn't that short and I'm not that stupid. Republicans had no problem running deficits from 1994 to 2006. I think that issue resonated for some people and not others. All of this talk about controlling spending is specious nonsense until the day when a coalition of the willing address Defense and Entitlement spending.

You can cut back on National Parks and the FDA all you want, but you're getting nowhere until you start looking at Defense, Medicare, and Social Security.

In 2006 the Democrats took control of Congress on a supposed "wave," that supposedly existed. As I recall, they said they'd bring the troops home from Iraq and Afghanistan. They said they'd pass healthcare reform. In the process, some of their candidates called President Bush and Gen. Petraeus "traitors." Turnabout being fair play in 2010, President Obama is being called "the worst President in history" by some. This type of behavior would have been ugly and shameful a generation ago. Now, we all yawn. Anything goes, the tar flies fast and loose.

Well, I guess it does if you only watch cable news. It's the Land of Outrage and Breathless Predictions. THIS is Wrong. THAT is Wrong. THEY are evil. blah blah blah.

I think my America's different than those seen on TV or heard on talk radio. People work. They raise families. They spend weekends running around to various kid-related activities and maybe (if they're lucky) they get to sneak a movie into the schedule. I heard Jon Stewart's speech on Saturday about the Lincoln Tunnel, and it was an entertaining anecdote. And I agree, on those weekends when I run around from 7 am till whenever, I'll let the cars with Obama or Palin stickers into traffic ahead of me - we all work together. The rest? Well, some folks really sweat it. I can get worked up over it sometimes, too. But mostly, it's all static.

Voting Dayyyyy-eeeee

Now, I don't know about you, but if Joy Behar doesn't get you motivated to go out and vote then I don't know much about much. I'm hoping for a red-white-and blue bikini shot this year. Oh, please, Joy, stop teasing!

So it's "voting day" according to the kids. Today I have 6 kids in the house, 2 of whom aren't mine but I help out a working couple up the street who needs a safe place to leave their kids. They play well enough together. But, faced with 8 hours trapped at home with 6 kids I chickened out and took them ice skating instead. This was actually fun.

Back to "voting day." I don't typically write out cute little anecdotes about the kids these days because I'm far too self-absorbed and egocentric to care about them. But on my way to "voting day" my youngest (4 yr old Jack) looks up and says "I don't see any water, dad, where are all the boats." Boating day....Voting day. Made me laugh, but I laugh easily.

Last story before I move on to participatory democratic republicanism and the importance of exercising one's right to vote. I coach my older son's (9 yr old Bobby) hockey team and last night after practice as we're driving home he pipes up with, "Dad, the other kids on the team really like you, you're a great coach." I didn't laugh, nor did I get misty, but it was nice to hear and certainly better than my last coaching stint in 2007 as an assistant coach on his football team. I think I 'm in a better place now than I was then, so perhaps that manifests itself in my everyday demeanor.

Of course, today has still been spent with 6 kids, and chaos has ensued. But it's manageable chaos, nice chaos. It's cool, as they say.

onward and upward

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I'm 45-42 for the season, and Week 8 was not a bad one but not great either; the recap:

Miami beats Cincy: OK, why isn't Cincinnati the team it was last year? They must hate success.

Jacksonville beats Dallas: stunning, to see Dallas fall apart.

Detroit beats DC: yeah, had a notion this could happen, but thought McNabb would be better in the clutch. Detroit is reminding me a little of the NY Jets in the early 1990's (coached by Bruce Coslett and Rich Kotite)....a team that looks like it could be INCREDIBLE in a year or two. Let's see if they fulfill that promise or fall flat like those aforementioned Jets.

KC drops Buffalo: yup. Buffalo is playing just poorly enough to lose close games, lately.

St Louis beats Carolina: when did the Rams get good? Oh yeah, Bradford. Long season continues in Carolina

Green Bay beats NY Jets: kind of a shocker what with all the injuries in Green Bay. So, the Redskins beat Green Bay, who in turn beat the Jets. Does this mean that the Redskins can beat the Jets? Any given Sunday, I guess....

SF beats Denver: close game. Denver's lousy.

San Diego beats Tennessee: This was an upset special. Surprising to see I called it correctly.

Tampa beats Arizona: Tampa on the rise, the Tampons are cheering again for the Bucs.

New England beats Minnesota: Ah, the 2nd wife now owns the best record in the NFL, and Coach Hoodie is being re-apprised as perhaps the best coach of this modern age. 4 Super Bowl appearances, 3 wins, 1 close loss, perennial playoff team. These Patriots are prone to lapses and stumbles on defense, but if they can shore up those problems they just might shock all those prognosticators who were so high on Pittsburgh last summer.

Oakland beats Seattle: Bay area gets a title in Frisco and a re-energized Raider team. Nice.

New Orleans defeats Pittsburgh: didn't see this coming, as the Saints had been lousy. Not Sunday night. The Rapist will fall, karma is a bitch.

Indy beats Houston: ugh. What are the Houston Texans? Good, bad, or indifferent? Right now I'm leaning towards "indifferent." Dumbasses.

So that's 8-5 for the week and 53-47 for the season. 100 games in and I'm over 50% which I'll take for being a bit of a luddite.

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VOTING

Ok, here's my rap......go vote. I don't care who for or what you want to express with that vote, just use it. End of sermon.

Enjoy Sweet.

Boom Boom Pow!

Remember this fun, Redskins fans? Good old Mike Westbrook beating down Stephen Davis at training camp. Boy, that Westbrook, what a homo - he's really sticking it to the guy. Oops.

Wow, so they lost to the Lions yesterday. Was anyone surprised? Of course this means I picked them to win yesterday, my picking record is only spotless in my nostrils.

What a stinker. Every time I thought that new and improved Lions D was the reason the Redskins were stinking up the joint I remembered that, well, they're the Redskins. Futility is part of the fan experience.

My great "quote" from Friday was that #5 was gonna have a bounce-back game from his lackluster play in Chicago. Again, I say, oops. What the hell was that? Bouncing passes time and again. Throwing into triple coverage? Yikes.

Still, for all of that, he's the best QB they've had since Brad Johnson's magical 1999 season (magical because he wasn't injured) or Mark Rypien before that. To replace McNabb with Rex Grossman is just gross negligence, man. On what day on what planet did Messrs. Shanahan honestly believe that Good Old Rexie was better that #5, in a game that still had 2 minutes remaining in it with a 6-point deficit?? Oh, now I know, Planet Dumbass.

Time to wheel out my inner Bob Hope....ahem:

No, really, the Redskins offensive line was offensive all right - did those guys stink or what? I tell ya, they couldn't have blocked for The Flash. McNabb woulda been sacked by Ndamukong Suh's (these names, I tell ya) Fathead yesterday.

Sorry. I get carried away sometimes.

Why would McNabb want to stay in DC after this season? Arizona and Chicago will want him, no doubt, because he has homes there. And it's likely that -in either of those towns - he won't be looking over his shoulder at Rex F-in Grossman, the newly-minted BEST TWO-MINUTE QUARTERBACK.......IN ALL OF FOOTBALLDOM.

Mornings like this suck in DC, where WTEM (our "sports talk") is littered with "I knew it" and "they're terrible" and "when do the Caps play next?"

No, no one ever asks the last question, I made it up.

For two weeks they'll fill up the air with a QB controversy. I like Sir Charles Barkley's quote about controversies: "you guys are all sittin' here trying to create a controversy, there aint no controversy, and if you don't like that, f&*k you and your families, too. Now, let's talk about the game."

Week 8 is nearly complete and the Redskins are 4-4, could've been 6-2 with even more luck. But let's be honest, they're lucky to be 4-4. I think every Dallas Cowboy fan would take the Redskins 4-4 over the 1-6 nightmare they're having in Cowboy-Land (also known as "Douchebagia," it smells funny there). WHAT HAPPENED? I'm serious....Dallas has talent. A great defense. One pretty good RB and WR, maybe a great TE. Right now, the troubles of the Cowboys are - for Redskin fans- the answer to those moments when we feel not-so-fresh (but it has a bitter, vinegar stench to it).

Enjoy De Barge

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