Post-holiday fun

Wow, has it been 6 days since my last entry? Guess so. And no - the nose picking photos don't get old, giggle giggle snicker snicker yes I'll have another hit off the bong pass 'er over 'ere thankyouverymuch.

So...how was your holiday. Once again, we put the fun in dysfunction. Don't ask, just roll with it. I overate. Spent too much. Caught a cold. But all in all I've had worse Christmases (see below).

Spent some time catching up with HBO's "24-7 Capitals and Penguins." I'd never watched any of the iterations of the "Hard Knocks" series (probably because it never featured the Redskins or Patriots). But this mini-series on the upcoming Winter Classic was AWESOME. Hockey players are generally conservative on camera and blather about "team" and "working hard" and "just happy to be here." HBO manages to cut through the typical (boring) player-speak and present some intriguing stories that get their hooks into ya.

Full disclosure: I hate Pittsburgh's Penguins. HATE 'EM. I disliked them greatly while I was in high school and they'd bump the local Caps outta the playoffs (almost like clockwork, every mid-to-late April). In '91, Pittsburgh defenseman Ulf Samuelsson effectively ended the career of my favorite hockey player (and, coincidentally, my grandfather's favorite) Cam Neely of the Boston Bruins, #8 in your program and #1 in your heart (if you don't know the name, Cam Neely was a perennial 50-goal player who could also fight, at the time he was like Godzilla on skates and had what they call in hockey "soft hands" for a big man).

Thus, the loathing.

Only watched 2 episodes, but it's well worth watching (on youtube or NHL.com) prior to Saturday's SURE-TO-BE-AWESOME game.

On to the NFL. I was 103-71 going into last Thursday night's game, and was 9-7 for this week. Here goes:

Carolina lost to Pittsburgh: duh.

Dallas lost to Arizona: how? In a brutal Cowboys season, this is the unkindest cut.

New England beats Buffalo: duh, part deux. Pats are revving up the bandwagon, there's still room if you hurry.

NY Jets lost to Chicago: How? There's no way this should've happened. Sexy Rexy's boys aren't long for the playoffs they backed into.

Baltimore beat Cleveland: duh, part tres.

Tennessee loses to KC: duh, quatro

San Fran loses to St Louis: I thought that, perhaps maybe possibly that some team would wanna win the NFC West and that that team was the 49ers. Wrong.

Detroit beats Miami: y'all see this train coming, right? Lions are preparing to ascend. Get a healthy QB and they're a force.

Washington beat Jax: I called this! I am as amazed as anyone. At least my Redskins are showing late-season guts. Mr. Shanahan, some of your team will play for you --- excise the rest.

Indy beats Oakland: I thought Oakland might be able to run the ball all over Indy. Nope.

Houston loses to Denver: safe home, Gary.

San Diego loses to Cincy: Ugh. How?? No, seriously, HOW?

NY Giants lose to Green Bay: Ugh. Ugly. I think Big Blue might miss the playoffs, they might beat the Skins this weekend but the Skins aren't gonna roll over for 'em.

Seattle loses to Tampa: Seahawks had everything to play for, but realized (I guess) that they could wait until January 2nd to actually play football.

New Orleans beats Atlanta: good game, really. Falcons were the sexy pick. I wonder if, perhaps now, the sexy pick is......??? Another excuse for a cheesecake photo.

Minnesota beats Philadelphia: I'm pulling for that kid Webb to be the future in Minnie-hoo-ha, since Favre's junkyard is closing up for good. Headline you didn't see: "Vick Dogged It!"

That's all for now, enjoy The Stray Cats

From my grandfather's passing to football..

....that's me, master of the segue.

Y'know, I didn't really do my dear departed Papa justice yesterday. He introduced me to football and the Washington Redskins. He held Super Bowl parties in 1982 and '83 (a Redskins win and loss) and again in 1985 for the improbable New England Patriots team that made it to The Big Game only to be trounced (badly) by the Bears. He steered me towards the Boston Red Sox instead of the Baltimore Orioles because he'd been a Washington Senators fan (and would never root for a Baltimore team). We'd spend afternoons watching baseball during the summer or, in winter, hockey. Before he died, he was high on Cam Neely and the Boston Bruins because the local Capitals were "boring to watch."

One of the saddest things I remember after his death was the Redskins' January 1988 Super Bowl win. He'd have loved that. He'd also have loved the 1991-2 Super Bowl win against Buffalo and he'd adore the Alexander Ovechkin version of the Caps.

I'll sum it up: he was a father figure to me, one of several.

On to the ballgames of week 15:

Carolina at Pittsburgh: this is not a "trap" game for the Steelers. This is a leisurely walk 'round the Monongahela River. The Steelers will rape the Panthers, figuratively of course.

Dallas at Arizona: Merry Christmas! Here's a sucky game! It's like thinking you're getting coal in your stocking Xmas morn and realizing that it's - in fact -dogshit. Cowboys.

New England at Buffalo: this could be a trap game. Pats need one more win to clinch home field and Foxboro is unkind to many, many road teams. But Buffalo doesn't roll over. Still, Pats.

NY Jets at Chicago: I think the Jets' toes will freeze in the cold, and Rex's wife will be shooting video. Oh, that's hot. ewww.. Bears.

Baltimore at Cleveland: Browns might surprise the Ravens, but the Ravens are the safe pick.

Tennessee at KC: Chiefs will win at home. Randy Moss tries out for the St Louis Blues just for fun, to see if anyone cares. Safe home, Randy

San Fran at St Louis: no one wants to win this game. 49ers.

Detroit at Miami: Lions, as the Dolphins are susceptible to a good pass rush. I think Detroit is ready to take A Big Step next season

Washington at Jacksonville: I think the Redskins will sneak one away from a lackadaisical Jacksonville team.

Indy at Oakland: Raiders are better than their record, Colts are exactly what their record says. Raiders

Houston at Denver: Texans, but no one cares. Safe home, Gary Kubiak

San Diego at Cincinnati: Chargers will win, and won't need boats to play the game.

NY Giants at Green Bay: Tough to pick against Green Bay after last weekend when they took the Patriots to the mat. Packers at home.

Seattle at Tampa Bay: I think the Seahawks might actually be motivated to make a play for the NFC West title. Maybe.

Minnesota at Philly: Philly. It'll be like walking your dog along the Schuylkill River Trail.

New Orleans at Atlanta: finally, a game that really matters. I think this will be an absolute hoot to watch. A high-scoring thriller. And the Falcons will win it.

Well, that's it for football. I might not have time to write anything tomorrow because of last-minute Xmas shopping and cooking and all of that - so to all of ya that read this crap have a safe and Happy Christmas with you and yours.

Blackford out.

The worst day I lived through

December 22nd is my least favorite day of the year.

Let me back up. When I was born my folks had very little money. My dad had just finished college and was in the Guard, my mom walked across the stage for Nursing School graduation with me - a few months before I was born. They tell me we lived in a little home in Silver Spring after I was born.

And at all times - according to the tale - they leaned on my mom's parents who lived in Rockville, Anne and Tom Brutscher.

I know we lived in their house for a period of time while our home was being built in far-off Mt. Airy (where they had pastures and cows and dirt roads). All I can recall is my Grandma taking me to the park, goofing off with my uncle (also named Tom), and loving all the attention.

Anyway, I'll speed it up. We moved to Mt. Airy. My Grandma died of cancer in '76 (I think). All I recall is my mom crying, sobbing really, into the receiver.

After that, we saw my Grandfather less. I think he had to go deal with his grief in his own way. He eventually took up with a lady my mom didn't like, married her and later divorced. Mom refused to let us see him unless his new wife wasn't around - so we didn't see him much at all. Obviously, after the divorce, that changed.

In 1985 I started going to school at St. John's in DC, and one of the bigger reasons my folks sent me there was because his house was right off the Twinbrook Metro stop. I'd get dropped off at the train station by 7 am and go to school, then hop off in the afternoon at his house to wait for my dad to finish working.

It was then that I really got to know my grandfather. He'd been a WW2 veteran, serving in the Coast Guard and was shot in the hip. He'd apparently lied about his age and cheated on the Coast Guard's swimming test in order to get in - back then I guess kids really wanted to join the war effort. Before that, he'd been a football and hockey player for Central Catholic in Pittsburgh (home of, years later, Dan Marino). He was from a family of orphaned boys in Pittsburgh who'd been lucky enough to have been raised by an uncle instead of dropped off at the orphanage like his brothers.

He met my Grandma after the war, settled in DC with a job at the Government Printing Office, and had my mom and uncle. He liked golfing, was active in a local bowling league, and I guess you'd say all in all he enjoyed a quiet unassuming suburban life.

But all of that really doesn't sum him up. He was - to me anyway- a little bigger than life. He'd occupy a room when I was a kid. He was quick with a joke (always inappropriate), and - looking back - I guess was kind of a jerk to people (I think he'd pick fights with people on purpose, he seemed to really enjoy needling people when he found a weak spot) but they'd always appear to laugh it off.

Over time, the first couple years of high school anyway, I guess you'd say we became friends. As my uncle married and started his family, I think my grandfather was lonely. He never married again, and as the years went by he seemed to retreat into alcohol more and more. Sometimes I'd spend the night at his place in Rockville and he'd serve himself wine with breakfast. He was a chain-smoker who always wanted to quit. He was, like any of us, far from perfect. But above all, I think he was still grieving for my Grandma and angry at God, who'd taken her away from him far, far too soon.

I'll forever carry the weight of guilt over pulling away. I was about 15, turning 16, and I started dating gals and "moving on," in the way any teenaged boy will. I saw him less and less. He'd come out to my lacrosse games, or Sunday dinners at our house. But I was more interested in girls and cars and stuff like that.

On December 22, 1987, mom had me call over to his house to let him know our Xmas plans. It rang forever. No answer. I tried back a little later, same thing. The next time I called a different man's voice (Mr. Lee, his neighbor) picked up the phone and told us that we'd better come out there. It was the longest ride I've ever experienced. Mom told me not to go running in, I did anyway.

I knew what death was. Hell, I was 16 -not an imbecile. But I wasn't ready to see my grandfather's body lying in rigor mortis. I haven't been the same since, part of me (my innocence, I'm guessing) died with him.

Given his lifestyle at the time (too much booze, too many years of smoking) a heart attack was not a total shock - but his absence in my life was. Everyone's grandparents pass away - they're old and that's life, right? But like I said I wasn't ready for it. My grades slipped, I acted up in school a little (I cut classes, went to his place and drank my uncle's beer with some guys from high school), and was generally miserable.

I don't recall my folks ever coming to me and talking about it. I think our little family was in shock. My mom's relationship with her brother dissolved into nothingness in various arguments about the status of my grandfather's estate - so I lost my uncle, too.

Time healed it over into a nice scar, that I can still see when I want to. I miss him terribly, and hope that I haven't let him down too much in the years since he passed. We had to say goodbye too soon.

And now....the results from Week 14

I've grown a little bored with reporting my weekly success or failure when it comes to my NFL picks, so I tried to find the most boring picture I could to encapsulate that feeling. Really. I don't have any idea what that is a photo of.

8-8 for the week that was. Brings my totals to 103-71. I think if I break even over the next few weeks I clinch the NFC west.

To the games....

SF loses to San Diego: a lot of teams have lost games to Norville Turner's Chargers in December. Add the 49ers to that list. Hey, remember that Vincent Jackson guy? Yeah, he's pretty good and shit.

Cleveland loses to Cincy: How? Knuckleheaded Browns should avoid the Bengals identity-crisis fate at all costs. Run Peyton Hillis between the tackles and crush the opposition. Oh, right, Mangini's the coach. Apparently, Carson Palmer read my blog and it motivated him. Send a check, Mr. Palmer, I can use the cash.

Washington loses to Dallas: a wise man wrote that he sensed "another hard-fought Redskins loss." Yay! Right again. I mean....oh crap, I'm right again. In DC they're making a fuss about how great Rex Grossman played - like the Redskins somehow won the game. The spin-doctors are now hinting that Donnie Mac was the problem all along. Gotta love DC. McNabb should change his name to "Nixon" and resign - not because he's a bad quarterback but because his days as the starter in DC are probably done.

Houston loses to Tennessee: Ok, both these teams suck. I figured Houston would play for some pride and was dead wrong.

Jax loses to Indy: The LA Jaguars (Los Jaguares? Las Jagures? El Tigre?) are like the Texans, they fear success. Either that or the ghost of Mark Brunell haunts Jacksonville.

KC beats St. Louis: and no one was surprised.

Buffalo loses to Miami: I should've picked the home team here but went out on a limb. Win some, lose some.

Philly beats NY Giants: I had the Giants, and then.....poof! Up in smoke. DeSean Jackson pulled the crappy move of the week at the end of his run. For the athletic, intellectual, or female audience's benefit --- Mr. Jackson decided to glide along the goal-line and goad the Giants instead of making a bee-line for the end zone in order to score a TD. In the Madden video games, you do this to taunt, goad, own, and humiliate your opponent, ie- "look at meeee...you suck so bad you can't even tackle meeee." I fear for his life the next time he tries to run across the middle against the Giants. "Boom! Where'd that truck come from!" Followed by "Injuries are just part of the game."

Detroit beats Tampa: TOLD YA

Arizona loses to Carolina: the long season continues for both teams. I took the Cards, but the Panthers were a little bit better in the Toilet Bowl of week 14.

New Orleans loses to Baltimore: tough game to call, both teams are good. I don't like how cocky John Harbaugh comes across on TV, he's almost as arrogant as Billick was.

Atlanta beats Seattle: because no one in the NFC West wants to actually attend a playoff game.

NY Jets beat Pittsburgh: Big Ben, I picked your team. Karma's a bitch.

Denver loses to Oakland: better team won. {Sarcasm alert: please be advised that the following comments are literally dripping with sarcasm, venom, and snarkiness} Oh, look Redskins fans, Jason Campbell can actually complete passes and stuff like that. Wow. Who knew?

Green Bay loses to Patriots: closer than I liked to see. That onside kick gambit won't pay off for the rest of this season. I was seeing shades of the January 2008 Pats-Giants Super Bowl there for an hour or so. Patriot defense had a bad game for the most part but came through thanks to the big interception. Good teams find ways to win I guess (isn't that what all these talking-head ex-athletes keep saying?)

Chicago beats Minnie-ha-ha: and no one's laughing. When the game started, Gruden was gushing about how Favre was acting "like a 23-year old, wow!" Well, later on in the game I think Jaworski said he "looked old and cold." Gruden sucks at calling football games, but he does do a good job explaining the dynamics of the game. I also hate Domes, football games in domes, cheerleaders in Santa suits (it's kind of creepy), and Smurfs.

Where's Azrael?

Hey, this weekend is all kooky...and stuff

No NFL chatter from me today, I'll save it for tomorrow. Who knew Rex Grossman could complete a pass? Who knew the Packers have actual coaches who can get a team ready for a tough ballgame? We all knew DeSean Jackson was a Grade A co@%sucker, but now he's actually improved upon that title.

Nah. Today I'm writing about my wild and wooly weekend on the ice. I attend an annual ice hockey tournament around the third Saturday of December (well, there have only been 4 of them so far) titled "The Piranhas Winter Classic." It's mostly an excuse to drink beer (it's cold and easy to find) and play hockey in a mildly competitive environment. I think everyone wants to win, but no one takes it all that seriously. There's food, friends (some of my former teammates still come out for this, and even though I'm a Piranha I'm pretty new to that team but they're a good group), family (Carol brought the kids out to an intermission "family skate"), and - did I mention the copious beer? Plus, I'd been on the winning team for the 3 prior Classics - I had a nice streak going with my old teammate Paul McRann. Of course this year they split us up.

Here's how my weekend went: Friday night I coached my son's Squirts team for an hour, plenty of skating there. Saturday morning Carol wants to hit the gym, so we go for about an hour. My team's first game in the Classic started at 1:30. We skate hard and lose respectably, which is to say we weren't blown out. Uh-oh, we were on for the very next game (back-to-back hockey games is a very difficult task. Not impossible, just difficult). We manage to win that one. We're off the ice, finally, about 4pm. By that time my family's shown up for the intermission skate-around, and so I've gotta go and skate more with my wife and kids. This wasn't exactly a torturous affair, as it was fun to play tag with my older son and watch our 4-yr old start to figure out that skating is fun (yes, I'd like all of my kids to play, and I'd like to play just long enough to skate with 'em on a line together - although I know we'd never ever score, to be a Blackford means lots of effort but no ink on the scoresheet).

I got a break till about 5:30 (it all started to blur) then took the ice for a "win or die" game, where we skated tough against a superior opponent.

No regrets, it was all fun.

No form of exercise, with the exception of swimming, has kicked my ass like skating in hockey. I mean, I can skate in lazy circles all day at a public session, but competing in a game is an entirely different ball of wax. I've heard men complain about having to play back-to-back softball games and wondered if they realized how pathetic they sounded. Playing multiple hockey games on one day is brutal.

So, my streak was broken. I sat and watched my former teammate and captain win his 4th consecutive Classic, and he was named Most Valuable Old Guy. For a guy who turns 50 next year, he's still pretty damned good.

I drove my own old bones home, with every passing mile I could feel my muscles pulling ever tighter. By the time I got home I wanted a wheelchair.

Sunday morning was early, running to Squirt hockey to watch my team play a chippy opponent to a tie. My boy almost....ALMOST score his first goal (sorry Bobby, it's in the genes, ask for your uncle's scoresheets). Of course, yelling at children is hardly physically taxing. Neither was Sunday Mass or or children's Sunday School.

Thanks to the ass-hats that run the Gardens Ice House Men's League, the Piranhas had a 2pm game. I'm pretty sure our captain tried talking to the League's commissioner about the fact that most of our team would be exhausted (or hung over, in some cases) what with the Winter Classic and all.... and you'd think the League would be responsive when we all pony up about $500 in ice fees.

You'd be wrong.

8 guys showed up Sunday afternoon while the Ravens and Redskins played, 7 of whom had played hockey all day on Saturday. I think the opposing team was called The Highlanders, and they beat us 3-1, but I don't think any of us really cared. The Highlanders played cheap and goaded our tired team into a few dumb penalties, and the refs did an awful job - some of the worst refereeing I've seen since.....hell if I know.

I was home by 4, finally. There was a fire waiting for me. Life was good. A friend o' mine said that life accelerates (hi Edwin), and I think he's right. All we have to do is keep all of the plates spinning on the poles..........

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "Dummy, all of this crap you've whined about having to do was elective...at any time you could've simply dreamt up an excuse and walked out. People have REAL concerns in this world: jobs, money trouble, illnesses, etc. Shut up and enjoy your petty scheduling troubles."

And, if you thought that, I'd say you're right - I'm lucky that this is all I've got to complain about. As I re-read this, though, I think I'm not complaining as much as I am bragging. Which is unseemly.

My long weekend ended with wins by the Caps and New England Patriots. By midnight, I was ready to skate again.

Weekly picking, yeah the season's almost over

As I said in September, this is the first time I've ever bothered to make football picks and keep track of how I am at it. So far, 95-68. I'm encouraged by this. It's not exactly difficult, is it? It's also probably dreadfully boring to read, I imagine. I try, I really do.

As a kid I used to love watching football with the Xmas tree up, I'd hang our Redskins ornament on the tree and inevitably they'd win. Now, clearly, the Redskins Xmas magic is gone (and has been for a looooong time). Still, the tree makes the room feel warmer - so there's that. Anyway, another Thursday night game means I write this thing before that game begins, so here goes:

San Francisco at San Diego: all the teams that play out west are garbage this season. Apparently, no one wants to win either the AFC or NFC West. I mean, who would? It's a hassle, all those playoff games in cold-weather stadiums.....Chargers.

Cleveland at Cincinnati: Gotta go Browns, but the Bengals could pull this one out if Carson Palmer remembers that he won a Heisman Trophy for being a good QB

Washington at Dallas: yawn. Two teams that have lousy records. My feeling is that this will be yet another hard-fought Redskins loss. Dallas has been playing better football of late. The Redskins? Not so much. Cowboys

Houston at Tennessee: two more lousy teams, with 5-8 records (I think). Houston still plays respectable football. I think the Titans are simply collecting checks.

Jacksonville at Indy: this one decides the AFC South, I think. Jags should have a chip on their shoulders as big as Peyton's massive forehead. I'm going with the LA Jaguars

KC at St Louis: does anyone care that these two teams from Missouri lead their respective divisions? No? Oh, right, because they suck. Chiefs should win, if Cassell plays.

Buffalo at Miami: Miami should win at home. Remember when this matchup was aces? Jim Kelly and Dan Marino....ah, memories.

Philadelphia at NY Giants: tough game to call. I think Philly is showing some chinks in the "best team in the NFL" armor lately. The Giants have the defense to punish Mr. Vick. I'm picking Giants.

Detroit at Tampa Bay: Lions are gonna win their second game in a row. They're getting better.

Arizona at Carolina: Oh God, don't make me watch! Cardinals

New Orleans at Baltimore: the Ravens are also showing signs of....slippage. Saints defense should force some mistakes en route to a close win.

Atlanta at Seattle: Falcons, easily

NY Jets at Pittsburgh: Steelers will trip up the deflated Jets. Funny, right?

Denver at Oakland: Raiders are the better team.

Green Bay at New England: if Rogers plays this could be a gem of a game. Patriots.

Chicago at Minnesota: I'll lease out my back yard for the game. I will! Bears.

All for now, enjoy the meatballs....

ho ho-rrendous

I love Christmas but there are things I hate about it. I'm sure anyone reading this has the same feelings towards our annual bacchanalia of eating, gift-giving, and singing in the car about the merits of roasting chestnuts on open fires, red-nosed reindeer, and talking snowmen. That's not even mentioning this Jesus fella....he's everywhere.

Like everything we do in America, it's become politicized. Stupidly, in my humble opinion. Why, on the news today I heard a report about the Loudon County (Virginia) Courthouse Holiday display. Apparently, they have a Christmas thing, a Hanukkah thing, a Kwanza thing, an Atheist thing, and a Jedi thing. The game you can play at home, kids, is to guess who's just yanking someone's crank here....hmmm? I can hear the conversation at the dinner table: "how can we - who love Star Wars - muck up the courthouse's Xmas display." Yeah. In between bong hits they decided that "Jedi" made perfect sense.

Christ. In another country they'd be sterilized for the benefit of the rest of us.

Now, I'm not a nut who insists that All bow before my religion of choice, either. I just know a Contrary Harry when I see one. Godspeed, Obi Wan.

Back to Xmas. We all have our favorite holiday songs, TV specials, and movies. So, I'm taking the lazy man's way out and just writing a sure-to-be-controversial list of the best and worst - according to me because - well - my opinions are the only ones I really care about.

Best TV

1. Still love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. After all these years it's held up. Santa's basically a small-minded prick, as are most of the residents of "Christmas Town." There's an island where all of the non-conforming toys have been banished to - thanks presumably to Santa or his incompetent elves. Plus a snow monster, I mustn't forget Bumbles. My dad has copious body hair, and my brother Tom and I got in trouble for saying he was the Bumbles snow monster. I guess I love this one for all the memories it evokes...I was a kid, it would air on Christmas Eve some years and it was the last thing I'd watch before scooting off to bed in my footed pj's.

2. Santa Claus is Comin' to Town is a pretty good one, too. It tells Santa's back-story, from orphaned child to universal gift-giver. I especially like the villainous Burgermeister Meisterburger and his Eastern-bloc accent that's right out of the Cold War. And Mrs. Claus is hot for some of this...til she gets older, but there is a sweet scene where the Claus couple is holding hands looking at the North Star when they decide to only do the whole toy-giving thing on Christmas.

3. Nestor, the Christmas Donkey: oh man, this one killed me as a kid. Not usually on TV anymore, but it's the story of a little long-eared (think Dumbo) donkey who travels towards Bethlehem with his mother. At some point, the mother shelters little Nestor from the elements and then dies of exposure. Nestor lives, and manages to be present at the birth of Jesus. I cried and cried and cried. I know, I'm a douchebag, I get it.

4. Shrek the Halls: a newer one but amusing. I like the Donkey's giant Santa waffle and the Gingerbread Man's story of a horrific Xmas past ("you weren't there!"). Plus the great line, uttered by Shrek, "I'm sorry if you took my yelling at you the wrong way."

5. The Grinch: the animated version with Karloff doing the voice of the Grinch. NOT the Jim Carrey crapola flick

Worst TV:

1. The Year Without a Santa Claus: ugh. From the positively wretched songs to the awful introduction of the Miser Brothers, this one should be taken out to pasture and shot. I know, a lot of people love it. Barf.

2. Merry Madagascar and Kung-Fu Panda Xmas: the less said the better. I was forced to sit through these recently and am still recovering.

3. Kathy Lee's Holiday specials: part of me misses these for their sheer awfulness. God, she sucked. Nick and Jessica's weren't far behind.

4. Frosty the Snowman: I like snowmen. I like snow. I don't like this one much, with it's weirdly-animated kids. They made a sequel that was even worse, though, so this one's good by comparison.

Hon. Mention:

There's one that I'm on the fence about, the hallowed Charlie Brown Xmas. Part of me loves it and part of me hates it. Oh, I get it, the holidays are too commercialized. Ok. Now, let's beat the point into 'em, boys! It's half-good and half-bad.

Best Movies (gets shorter from here)

1. A Christmas Story: you know it, you love it.

2. Christmas Vacation: I hated this one when I first saw it, thought it was WAY too liberal in its recycling of gags from the original Vacation. It's grown on me, but the end sucks.

3. Scrooged: love it, one of the best

4. March of the Wooden Soldiers: an old Laurel & Hardy movie. It's old, corny, and I used to watch it every Xmas season.

5. It's a Wonderful Life: Ok, I didn't see this until I was about 30 years old. Very sappy, probably over-played. But a great movie nonetheless.

Worst Movies - too many to name, but here's a few I sat through.

1. Jingle all the Way: dreadful

2. How the Grinch Stole Xmas: the Jim Carrey abortion. ugh. A better movie than the Mike Myers version of Cat in the Hat, though - in which I fell asleep in the theater like an old man.

3. The Family Man: ack barf spit ouch! Nic Cage plays the lead. Kind of like A Christmas Carol, but it sucks soooo bad.

4. Jack Frost: the less said the better.

....I'm sure I've missed a whole lot of movies here.

Best Songs

1. Someday at Christmas by Stevie Wonder. A beautiful song, really.

2. It's Christmas All Over Again by Tom Petty. Featured in Jingle all the Way (the only redeeming portion of that movie). Unexpectedly awesome

3. Christmas (baby please come home) by Darlene Love, and covered by U2. Has that "wall of sound" thing going on, I like it.

4. Christmas in Killarney by the Irish Rovers. The sound of fun.

5. Standards. Tough to go wrong with the usual mixture of hymns and winter-themed standards, really.

6. Everywhere It's Christmas by The Beatles. They've never released the Beatles Xmas songs, but this was a fun one, it's on youtube. Very silly song.

7. Dominick the Donkey by Lou Monte, la la la - la la la lalalala.....tough not to sing along

Worst Songs

1. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer by Elmo and Patsy: Run. Don't listen. Just run.

2. Blue Christmas by Elvis. I love Elvis but hate this song

3. Christmas Shoes by NewSong. This is one of THE worst songs ever. It comes with an agenda and an utterly ridiculous narrative that begins at the sublime (a grimy little kid straight from a Dickens novel trying to buy his mom shoes) to the ridiculous (Jesus won't see those shoes, kid). I think the whole song was calculated to get the buzzwords "God" and "Heaven" and "Jesus" on the radio. Why? Because that's how zealots think.

4. Where are you Christmas? by Faith Hill. Over-played on the radio, and was featured prominently in one of history's worst motion pictures (the aforementioned Grinch).

5. NOVELTY SONGS: Crabs for Christmas, the 12 Pains of Christmas, etc etc etc. Awful. Flush them all before they become standards!

I'm sure I missed a bunch of stuff, but that's life. Enjoy some eggnog and indulge in some of what I think are the better entertainment options of the season.

This week's sexy pick, and my usual ramblings

Yes, they're getting more and more gratuitous as the season progresses. This, perhaps, evidences my boredom with the whole thing. Or a blatant grab for readers. Or perhaps I'm amusing myself to the exclusion of others. I was told that this photo was too much.....so of course I must put it here.

Yes, fans, the Patriots are now the sexiest pick in the land - as proclaimed by Tony Dungy Sunday night..."I think they're the best football team in the NFL." As pre-season favorites have fallen by the wayside in Dallas, New York, and Minnesota, the Pats have bum-rushed the conversation by beating everyone but the Cleveland Browns (they beat the old Browns, though). Can they be beaten? Yes, absolutely - the Giants proved that in the Super Bowl: you get pressure on Brady and they can be defeated. Will it happen? Who knows, the AFC is tough. The two things I like about this year's Patriots are: 1) an emerging ground game; and 2) an emerging defense. I wouldn't get fitted for a ring just yet, but they've got an excellent shot at it.

Better than the Jets. Good lord, those fellas are falling apart. If I were a Dallas fan, I'd be pulling to retain Jason Garrett based on the reports coming from their practices - tough practice makes tough players, and tough players win games.

As is my weekly custom, I'll report the progress on my Great NFL Picking Experiment. I was 84-63 going into the "week" and am 11-5 this week....an overall 95-68 record so far. If I was in Vegas sitting at the sports book, I might be hitting the black by now. Maybe, but more than likely I'd spend it all on food.

Indy beats Tennessee: The Titan ship has sunk....Colts must win Sunday just to be relevant...who thought you'd hear that this time of year?

Cleveland loses to Buffalo: in the snow. Well, I believed in Peyton Hillis' ability to run over the Bills and I was wrong. So it goes.

Green Bay loses to Detroit: I said that the Packers SHOULD win this one and I reiterated it for emphasis. Lions will be much-improved very very soon.

Tampa beats Redskins: Oh no, Gano. I'm out on this one. Taking a mulligan.

Atlanta beats Carolina: long season in Pantherville, like I keep saying.

Oakland loses to Jax: Jaguars might be a decent team, if they played in LA and not North Fla.

Cincy loses to Steelers: right. No surprise.

Seattle lost to Frisco: what the hell? Does anyone want to win the NFC West? A team with a losing record could actually make the playoffs. Awful.

St Louis loses to Saints: remember the Saints? No? Super Bowl champs? Onside kick after the stunningly dull halftime show? Not ringing a bell???

Minnesota loses to NY Giants: the big news, of course, was that the Metrodome collapsed and this game was played in Detroit. The bigger news? Nah, that was it. Giants rolled 'em.

Denver loses to Arizona: seriously....what's with the West and NFL teams. Name one good team....just one. OK, the Chargers might be considered good right now. Somehow, Arizona might still make the playoffs...

Patriots dump Bears: in the snow. I love snow games. Hell, even rain games are fun to watch. The NFL should dump the whole idea of domes and keep the "weather as a factor". Makes the game fun.

KC lost to Chargers: Philip Rivers keeps on keepin' on. Chiefs are about to plummet.

Philly beats Dallas: close game. Garrett has the Cowboys playing better football.

Miami beat Jets: I was sure that the Jets would kill the Fish in NYC. Nope, I guess because the Jets play in .... New Jersey!

Baltimore beats Texans: in OT, well after I'd drifted off to sleep dreaming of sugarplums dancing with circus bears whilst Ivana Trump fed me figs under a palm tree in Dubai. I don't wanna talk about it.

How about that Cliff Lee, huh? Walked away from about $30 million bucks. At first, I found myself thinking "oh, it's only $30 million, no biggie." But, I mean, look at your checkbook and think that over.......Sheesh.... he must hate the Yankees and their fans as much I do....lick it, Yanks!

Quick hits on a gray mon-dee

Someone was apparently chanting "put in Grossman, put in Grossman" during the Bucs-Redskin game yesterday. Well, let me say this about that: meh. The picture above says it all, entitled "down goes Grossman."

Old Donnie Mac can really run a two-minute offense, huh? The preceding 58 minutes....well, they'll work on it.

Oh no, it was indeed Gano.

Like I said last week, I've about checked out for this 2010 Redskins team. I'll be pulling for them to beat Dallas next Sunday, but won't care either way. I wish the guys in Ashburn would simply say "we're rebuilding" and get on with the process of getting younger and better.

Also got to see the Patriots...wow. More on the NFL stuff tomorrow, after I see how my weekly picks went.

I spent the weekend doing a great many things. We prettied up the house to have our annual Christmas party for our families on Saturday evening. I had to get up early Saturday to run our son to his Squirt hockey game and helped coach them to a 2-1 loss. Dammit. Then drive to work and sell many Xmas trees in the cold. Work 7 hours and run home to spread my own special brand of holiday cheer and then promptly lapse into a coma. Awaken at 5 am Sunday to.....take our son to another hockey game that started at 7 am - with an hour long drive to the rink. Where we lost 9-0. Then run back to work.....where it starts raining and the temps outdoors plummet....(gets better and better). The rain keeps all sensible patronage away, so I leave the cold and rain behind about 2pm and hear on my radio that the Skins are doing OK...until I get home to watch them and they also....plummet. The Capitals lost 7-0 last night....my dog died overnight....wife left a note on her pillow for me......it's like a country song.

Ok, so I embellished the last few portions of my long list of complaints. And I left out the part where I attended mass with my eldest child, which was nice (no squirming bellowing 4 year-old).

How 'bout that Julian Assange? Really puts the "ass" in "assange", huh? I'm all for investigative reporting and exposing the truth, but wikileaks seems to be less about truth-finding than simply embarrassing people. My take on the guy is that he's a glory-seeking publicity hog. His organization could do some good in the world, but I don't think that's their goal.

Later this week I'm posting my Xmas best/worst, stay tuned kids!

Got a copy of Kanye West's latest record (I still call them records, piss off) "My Beautiful Dark.....something something Fantasy". Good record. I don't typically listen to much of what the kids call hip-hop, it tends to be a laundry list of bragging and materialism (a bit like the old metal bands of the 80's, ironically). But (I'll call him what George W. Bush called him) Conway West's latest shows some vulnerability, some humanity behind the bling and bullshit. Still gotta pick up the Cee-Lo Green record later this week. I lead an exciting life, no?

No. I don't. At least I'm self-aware. I'd also recommend You Never Give me Your Money: The Beatles After the Breakup, a book I finished last week. Most Beatlemaniacs probably know all the stories in the book, that primarily detail the post-breakup lawsuits and business dealings of the Fab Four. I was unaware, so I found it an interesting read. From there, I'm delving into Keith Richards' Life. I do these things in phases. One year it was Moby Dick and the whaling industry, this year it's rock stars.

Another day in paradise, thanks Lord. No, I'm not being sarcastic. Jack's making me watch the dreadful movie "Land Before Time" (animated dinosaurs) and I'm typing away, straining to make sense on a blank page. Perhaps it's coherent, perhaps not. Screw y'all, it's free.

Picks for this week

84-63 so far, been a busy week round here what with a Christmas party being thrown this weekend and work and 2 hockey games and a dance recital plus kids horseback riding. I can sleep when I die. Maybe.

It's about 6:30, the first NFL game of the week kicks off in 90 minutes so I'll get to the point:

Indy at Tennessee: Gotta pick the Colts, simply because the Titans have packed up their gear for the season.

Cleveland at Buffalo: fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Browns...NOT Bills.

Green Bay at Detroit: Packers should win this road game. I repeat, SHOULD.

NY Giants at Minnesota: might be a tough game to call. I'm taking the Vikings, on a total leap of faith.

Tampa Bay at Redskins: Buccaneers have youth, talent, and pretty much everything that the Redskins don't. 'Skins have McNabb, Orakpo, and not much else. Bucs.

Atlanta at Carolina: long season, sexy pick. Falcons.

Oakland at Jacksonville: I think the Jags want to win their division, unlike the Texans who fear success. Jaguars.

Cincinnati at Pittsburgh: remember last year? Bengals went 8-0 in their division? Remember? No, seriously, it happened. Steelers.

Seattle at San Francisco: Seahawks also wish to compete for a division. I can't see Alex Smith playing savior for the 49ers. Seahawks

St Louis at New Orleans: Saints should roll. Duh.

Miami at NY Jets: pulling for the Fish. Figure the Jets will win.

Denver at Arizona: Cardinals, because the ship in Denver is sinkin'.

New England at Chicago: Pats are due for a tough game, and the Bears might give it to them in Chicago. I believe in my 2nd Wife, though, Patriots.

KC at San Diego: this is it for Norv, his team's gotta win or they're done. With their backs up against a wall, the Chargers usually show up. Chargers

Philly at Dallas: Dallas' valiant late-season charge might be disappointing to their fans as too little too late, but there's hope in every well-played game....and that's more than Redskin fans have. Philly's clearly the better team, unless Vick gets hurt or something crazy happens.

Baltimore at Houston: wouldn't wanna be the Texans, an angry Ravens team is comin' to town and doesn't care if they're naughty, nice, or breathing. The Texans will be pulp after this game. Ravens.

Slip, slide, and away

Hi football fans, there's your sexy pick for the Super Bowl - yet again. I admit this is getting gratuitous..but there's something we can all get behind. hyuk hyuk hyuk

Last night's most excellent Monday Night Football game between the Jets and Patriots was all sturm and no drang. The Patriots mopped the floor with a bunch of guys who used to be called the New York Jets. Clearly, their mouths write checks that their (collective) asses can't cash. The Jets are still a dangerous team, so last night's result means very little - but this year's Patriots are more and more resembling the teams that won championships in 2003 and 2004.

Yes, Redskins fans, I've reached the point in the season where I've dug the hole and held the memorial service and NOW I'm ready to roll my First Wife's rigid corpse into the grave for 2010. Second wife? I'm all in. Go Pats!

[we all need hope in this world, and there is no hope in Ashburn. The sign over Redskins Park tells you to abandon it]

ME GIVE UP (with the proviso that I'll dig up her bones in April of 2011 after the draft and the signing of the latest Big Name Free Agent)

So....moving on. 84-63 for the season and my week of picks stacked up like this:

Houston lost to Philly: Houston's a dog, and Vick showed us all how to treat dogs. Didn't I say I'd start laying off the guy? I'm drunk, I don't know what I'm saying!

New Orleans beat Cincy: this was apparently a close game, somehow. Last year's sexy pick might creep into the Great National Football Discussion sometime soon, they're mostly ignored right now.

Chicago beat Detroit: poor Lions, just lyin' down on the season. Maybe next year

San Francisco lost to Green Bay: weren't the 49ers supposed to win their division? Whoops.

Jax beat Tennessee: I have an idea! Trade Vince Young for Fat Haynesworth!

Denver lost to KC: Josh McDaniels, time to pick up the white courtesy phone, I hear Gordon Lightfoot's serenading you, "carefree highway, let me slip away, slip away on you"

Cleveland beat Miami: takin' it to Brown Town. It gets grosser.

Buffalo lost to Minnesota: crap. I believed in the close losses by Buffalo and took and chance. Vikings appear to have a decent captain at the helm and - lo and behold- Tavaris Jackson is not Danny White after all. Heck, he's not even Gary Hogeboom

Washington lost to the NY Giants: R.I.P., see ya in 2011, Redskins.

Oakland beat San Diego: dammit. I thought they didn't lose in December?

Carolina lost to Seattle: somehow it's possible that a team will "win" the NFC West. Why not Seattle?

Atlanta beat Tampa: tampons everywhere cried tears of blood. ewwwww

St Louis beat Arizona: Quick! Call Dan Snyder! Give up 10 picks and another $100 million for Larry Fitzgerald! Brilliant! THAT'S the answer!

Dallas beats Indianapolis: my big upset call. Colts have played badly and are banged up. Dallas is playing for God-Knows-What, but they're playing better.

Pittsburgh beats Baltimore: whoops. Thought the Ravens would win this one big. Something's fishy about these Ravens, they seem to be more perception than reality.

New England beats NY Jets: big ups to me, and my new wife. May she live long and prosper in the inevitable playoffs.

That's it for now. I'm still down with OPP, yeah you know me

Ouch, that hurt

Didn't get to watch the Redskins-Giants debacle yesterday afternoon. I listened to it while driving home from Virginia Beach. Who goes to the ocean in December? Hi, my name's Bob and I'm an idiot.

The first weekend of December they have a holiday parade that's only a few blocks from our house. Our kids liked it well enough, not as much as the last time we went. It was frigid down there, and it started snowing at a pretty good clip during the parade and our tour of the Holiday Lights at the Beach (one of those drive-thru light thingies, on the Va Beach Boardwalk). The weekend was nice, a nice and quick (and inexpensive) getaway. Except it was cold walking on the beach (5 surfers had the ocean all to themselves), cold walking on the streets, and cold cold cold. Kids complain about this sort of thing, and suck all the fun out of it. There was talk of stopping at Williamsburg to visit the Yankee Candle store they have there, but the crowds dissuaded us.

Had my first Steak & Shake double in Fredericksburg, aint too shabby for fast-food burgers.

Our son, Bobby is 9, going on 10 in February. If you don't have 9-year old boys, you don't know what this means for your food budget. I watched him polish off a full plate at every meal, a full....man-sized plate. Two waffles in one sitting (I could only eat one). On the plus side, I guess I'll have some help with yard work soon enough. My god, that kid can eat.

Let's just pretend that there's no such team at these "Washington Redskins" they keep talking about. Let's just pretend it's 1983, the Redskins won the Super Bowl, and the franchise folded that year......and.....end scene.

God, I want to embrace the fantasy but I can't do it, Mr. Rourke. Bums. Friggin' awful. So awful that Sam and Sonny (and the announcer-guy) had trouble coming up with any adjective besides "bad." Where's Tattoo when you need him?

Grudging respect for the Big Rapist last night. I had my nose busted like that, too. It hurts and squirts a little blood but it's not unmanageable. But, what with his foot injury and the nose injury in that cold weather - I gotta believe that the desire to have a seat was pretty strong, and he didn't do it. Thus, I guess, the legend of Ben Roethlisberger grows larger.

Whatever. Patriots beat both of those teams. I think the AFC's coming down to the Pats and Jets. We'll see who gains the upper hand tonight, should be fun.

I'm out! Enjoy my follow-up act, Burgermeister.

Vick, Rapists, coxswains, and LeBron James

How about that Mike Vick, huh? Takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'. I guess there was no SI cover curse for him. Anyone read the piece from last week's (11/29) issue? Kind of a fluff piece of reporting. Through the course of the article, I found myself wondering if the guy had really changed all that much. I detected some attitude - perhaps he's justified. A black man gets caught killing and mistreating dogs and actually has to do Federal time; a white man is caught injuring and sexually assaulting more than one woman (at the very least, The Big Rapist put his hands on another person without consent - a battery or simple assault offense) and sits for 4 games.

Tell me that's fair. You won't convince me so perhaps you shouldn't try. Prison is not a fun place to spend an afternoon, let alone over a year (I know, I've been in quite a few of them - only as a visitor but still.....it's prison). To sit in jail for hurting dogs while another man skates for hurting people is an anathema, a travesty. And- to make it all the worse - the vast idiot public seems to vilify Vick for his crimes far far more than The Big Rapist. I love dogs, too, but at the end of the day they're property - not people. I know a few Steeler fans who aren't particularly proud of supporting their team while this guy's still behind center.

Now, to set up a hypothetical straw man.... if the Big Rapist had been found guilty and done his time I'd say that he would've served his debt and that forgiveness is the better part of the human condition. Since Vick has served actual time I don't see any purpose to the hate. He's apparently speaking out publicly about his errors, making good on a bad situation he helped create. Maybe he's simply paying lip-service to this - the payday's worth it and it beats working I'm sure. Or maybe that new leaf was really turned over. Like everything, time will tell. But a man stands up and takes the heat he's got coming, a boy hides behind Momma Goodell's skirts.

Hate Vick for being an Eagle, or beating the crap outta your team on Sunday. Fine. That's fandom. But forgive the man. There but for God's grace.....

Sheesh. All that makes me sound like an optimist. I'm not, not really. I can't even pray for myself anymore - I know I don't deserve it. I pray for other folks. Happy Bleak Friday. Must be winter. Oh, it's close.

In the same issue of SI there was a requiem for a woman named Jill Costello, the coxswain (laugh about the title, go ahead....get it outta your system....) of the Cal Crew Team who was diagnosed with lung cancer and died shortly after steering her team to a 2nd place finish earlier this year. The story's heartbreaking - when you think you've had a bad day it won't compare with being 21 years old and hearing that you've got nine weeks to live. I think she beat the nine weeks, but not by that much. The only problem I've got with these stories is that they canonize a human being, make her an almost magical creature of will and moxie. It strips her of her humanity, makes her almost a mascot. I'm sure she was as human as any one of us, with faults and irritating idiosyncracies. But that gets sanitized in the canonization process, the brightness blurs the rougher edges and makes everything seem smooth and....perfect.

I know nothing about Jill Costello besides what was reported. I'm not kicking dirt on her, I'm simply flying my flag that says CYNIC. Hell, for all I know she was a saint. Poor kid, her untimely death was tragic.

Hmmm... I'm looking back through all the stuff I've written here and I'm having trouble seeing the funny. Guess there's not any to be found.

How about LeBron James rolling back through Cleveland? What is it with Ohio and pro sports? The Reds won the Series in 1990, the Indians played for it in 1995 but lost. Since then, there was LeBron's Cavaliers.....but no titles. No need to mention the Browns or Bengals, or the Blue Jackets (yes, Ohio, you have a hockey team that Rick Nash plays on and he is an awesome player). My grandfather was born in Martin's Ferry, my great-grandfather founded the hospital in that EXTREMELY small and rather depressed Eastern Ohio town. I kinda feel bad for the fans up there, as I do for Detroit fans....a sports team is pretty small potatoes in this world but a few wins help uplift the spirits of the folks who live in these more depressed areas of our country (yes, I realize this is a bit condescending and simplistic, and I'll bet the populations of these places would prefer good jobs to good sports teams).

Anyways, the Cav fans let Mr. Miami have it last night and he scored 38 points---so bad move Cleveland. The guy's still an a-hole for leaving town, hope he enjoys paying 50 times as much for a Delmonico steak down at South Beach. Watch out for the herpes down there in FLA, pal, those pills are an f'in hassle.

Not that funny....huh? There's some kind of motif running through all these stories I'm mentioning....I'm thinking it's all about perception vs. reality. I dunno. I'm out. Enjoy Cheech and Chong.

Thursday picking the A-games

Yes, I like me the silly pictures. Where'd she find this dress?

84-63 thus far, about 5 more weeks to go. Barring a complete collapse I guess I can attain a winning record. That's not really all that hard, y'know.

Houston at Philly: gotta believe that the Eagles bounce back against a strangely weak Houston defense that features at least 3 high draft picks. This game might go.......(wait for it...) to the DOGS!

New Orleans at Cincinatti: Saints steamroll Bungles. End of story.

Chicago at Detroit: No Stafford. Gotta go Bears this week.

San Francisco at Green Bay: remember when this was a great matchup? Steve Young vs. Brett (pre-text) Favre. Alas, Packers will roll.

Jax at Tennessee: Jeff Fisher, it's been an honor playing in the band with you on the Titanic. Glub. Glub. Jags.

Denver at KC: Chiefs at home. Denver keeps pretending they're good when they're not.

Cleveland at Miami: weird game. Tonight, LeBron goes to Cleveland - enjoy that trip, you massive massive A-hole; sure, it's not all about the money it's about the rings. EXCEPT WHEN IT'S ALL ABOUT MONEY. Dolphins need to win to stay in a playoff hunt, Cleveland keeps playing well one week and poorly the next. My hunch is Browns.

Buffalo at Minnesota: Vikings have little to play for. Strangely, so do the Bills. But I think the team that went toe-to-toe with the Steelers last week will prevail. Bills.

Washington at NY Giants: sorry, Redskins. Gotta think Big Blue will play pretty well against the Redskins to keep up with Philly.

Oakland at San Diego: seriously? Chargers.

Carolina at Seattle: Seahawks continue the long season in Carolina.

Atlanta at Tampa Bay: if you believe everything you read, you know who to pick. What I don't know could fill a book, yuk yuk. Falcons.

St Louis at Arizona: Rams. Cardinals are too busy laughing to play football. Seriously, what a douchebag Derek Anderson is. Yeah dumbass, you got caught on camera laughing about something during the game. A reporter calls you out on it and you try to TELL HIM HOW IT IS. oooooooo...big tough man. Another A-hole.

Dallas at Indianapolis: I'm picking Dallas. I think their defense will bother Peyton Manning enough and that the Dallas offense runs up big numbers against a banged up Colts D

Pittsburgh at Baltimore: Ravens have looked pretty good, Steelers keep hanging in there despite appearing a little underwhelming. Ravens at home.

NY Jets at New England: these teams HATE each other. It's a pretty big rivalry north of here, but no one's really heard much about it until big-mouth Rex Ryan. Game's in Boston, I gotta believe that New England shows up in the cold, and the Jets have been good but beatable. Patriots.

Later ally-gators....

Here she iiiiiissss!

Oh yeah, that's riiiight. See that, guys and gals....this is the hot one. The sexy pick to ascend to the top of your NFL heap. All raven-haired and ....stuff. OK so I'm running on friggin' fumes here. Shoot me. It's a free blog.

Your Atlanta Falcons are now considered to be - if you believe the fans who are employed as "sportscasters" at ESPN or the like - The Best Team in the NFL. They beat the Ravens, Packers, and Saints. Went to OT with the Steelers. Tough to argue, but it's only November 30th by my calendar -- there's a lot more football to be played.

How was your Thanksgiving? Mine was pretty good, but after eating and drinking (Amanda, your pumpkin martinis were simply diiiiVINE! mmwwwah!) I couldn't fit into MY cheerleader costume for days. My brother smoked the turkey we ate that night, it was outstanding. We visited my in-laws in the mid-afternoon while the Pats were on. Good times.

But the games kinda sucked, huh?

12-4 on the week, which brings my non-expert total to 84-63. NOW I'm winnin' some cash...

NE beats Detroit: Detroit has a good defense and a great WR. The offensive line is serviceable but they lack a running back who can do....anything. Detroit's Matt Stafford is still hurt, which kills them. Patriots are streaking but that weak defense is troubling....

New Orleans beats Dallas: close call. Poor Jon Kitna, all work and no play in mopup duty for his entire career.

Cincinnati loses to NY Jets: you know that the NFL would LOVE to have a game every Thanksgiving evening in NYC. The money! The glitz! The money! Whatever.

Green Bay loses to Atlanta: hot n' sexy in the dirty South. Flap your wings, Falcons. Any chance that the NFC South goes back-to-back Super Bowls?

Pittsburgh beats Buffalo: poor Stevie Johnson. Drops more balls than a........never mind

Carolina loses to Cleveland: Browns coulda been a contender. Long Carolina season.

Jacksonville loses to NY Giants: no miracles this week. Blah

Minnesota beats Redskins: Jenn Sterger's psychic ghost was chasing him on that late 4th-quarter run. "Brett....I want an AUTOGRAPPPPHHHED picture!!!"

Tennessee loses to Houston: right. Houston fears success but Tennessee fears Vince Young.

KC beats Seattle: only because Seattle did not wear the neon green jerseys

Miami beats Oakland: Raiders now fear success, and are hoping for Al Davis to just die, baby.

St Louis beats Denver: Josh McDaniels had set up cameras to spy on the St Louis Blues. Big mistake.

Philly loses to Chicago: how? Crazy. Woof woof

Tampa loses to Baltimore: someday soon Tampa will be a good team. Maybe real soon.

San Diego beats Indy: Go gently into the night, Peyton. They love to see you on the way up but would love to kick you on the way down even more.

SF beats Arizona: funny game, right? ha ha. Don't laugh at me. Boo hoo. Derek Anderson's a ninny. Anyone watch this DOG? I chose "The Walking Dead" - -it was more...lively! I'm here all week!

Sunshine on a cloudy day, folks. Have fun out there but be safe.

Happy Thanksgiving, and (of course) football picking

So the experiment continues. I'm now 72-59 for the season after an extraordinarily lucky week. In the spirit of the holiday, I'll express thanks for my luck.

Hell, I've had lots of it - really and truly. I'm fortunate to have been born in a great country, to have been raised by two good parents, to have known 3 of 4 great grandparents, to have a couple of good guys who happen to be my brothers, to have seen the things I've seen and done the things I've done. Of course I would be in complete remiss if I left out my wife, Carol, and our four kids: Sarah, Camille, Bobby, and Jack. I've learned more about life from them than I ever did in any classroom I ever sat in. My friends and acquaintances as well, if I've known you, you've probably made my life better. So, thanks. Not sure I'll waste more Internet space enumerating it all in great detail - thank God it's all happened the way it has. Healthy, wealthy, and wise - despite my innumerable shortcomings.

Ready for excess? Here it comes, beginning with the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. An extended commercial for what's playing on NBC and Broadway. I watch it anyway - they gots the big balloons, Maw!

Then come the countless sales and advertisements touting hearth and home, and so it comes to pass that the march to Christmas takes on a joyless commercial tone. Nah. Don't let it. Have fun. It's fun to have fun, right?

Speaking of fun, Thanksgiving gives us NFL football. Here's my picks:

New England at Detroit: Patriots. Lions will make Thanksgiving interesting in the near future, but not this year.

New Orleans at Dallas: Saints. Not enough to play for in Dallas. But they'll bounce back.

Cincinnati at NY Jets: yes, TO, your team is terrible. Jets.

Green Bay at Atlanta: Falcons at home. Good matchup - wish it was on Monday night

Pittsburgh at Buffalo: Steelers should win this, but it might be a close game.

Carolina at Cleveland: Browns. Long season in Carolina

Jacksonville at NY Giants: another intriguing game. I lean Giants.

Minnesota at Washington: Oh, man. I believe in my team but I think that the Vikings will play hard. Redskins.

Tennessee at Houston: Texans should rebound

KC at Seattle: Chiefs are the better team.

Miami at Oakland: Raiders want to show they can play with good teams, should win.

St Louis at Denver: Denver at home

Philadelphia at Chicago: Eagles should win on the road

Tampa at Baltimore: might be a close game, give it to the home team - Ravens

San Diego at Indy: Chargers are gearing up yet again for their PUTSCH.

San Francisco at Arizona: see? Oh wow, who cares?! What is the sound on no one watching? 49ers.

Enjoy the turkey, family, friends, and other assorted holiday happiness. Have a blessed one, all.

Life just gets in the way, man

No time for bloviating this morning. I gotta go help unload Xmas trees and move poinsettias and all that Christmas farm kind of thing.

As some of you know, I help my pals at Greenway Farms, and that means selling Christmas trees in good old Woodbine, Maryland. Between my duties there and a trip to the zoo on Tuesday (with a detour to the Twinbrook Armand's Pizza) I've been busy.

But my picks were awesome, I was 13-2 for the week. That pushes me to an overall 72-59 for the season which is far and away my largest margin of the season. My thanks to the Buffalo Bills, Dallas Cowboys, and MUCH love to the Redskins for their big wins last week - you made me look smart.

Last Sunday was fun. Had to go to a pub to watch the Skins because our local Fox affiliate won't air the game. Favre's star dims even further (didn't anyone tell him Unitas played his last season in San Diego?); Dallas looks smart for drafting Dez Bryant; Houston REALLY sucks.

As for The Rapist, great video of him getting clobbered by former Patriot Richard Seymour. Nice move, Big Rich. El Rapist fell like .......oh, hell, make up your own simile.

"Oh no! It's Gano!" My new Redskins rally cry. Worst. Kicker. Since. Scott Suisham. The Redskins haven't had a good one since Chip Lohmiller. 18 years ago. Ye gods.

The big news this morning is that Bristol Palin didn't win Dancing with the Stars. Whatever. The arguments for and against her are simply dogs chasing their tails: she wouldn't be on the show without her famous-yet-divisive mom, and she wouldn't have been amongst the finalists without the same "help." The kid gets stuck in between herself and her mom - the lovers and the haters. I feel bad for her, not like she deserves it. But then, she goes and practically asks for the negativity by taunting it -- nice and classy move, way to show you're above the fray. But Bristol's only 20, so it's not like she should know better.

I wish her mom did. Yeah, go support your kid.....but don't refer to her competition on a game show as a "cause." Dummy.

No, I didn't watch until the last 5 minutes. We emptied our DVR, watched "Walking Dead" and "Sons of Anarchy" up until 10:55 pm. And our nightcap was the weepy Jennifer Grey. Ugh. By the end of the 5-minute suckfest I was wishing that Bristol had won instead.

Enjoy the busiest travel day of the year. I know I will.

Free Football Picks

See the picture? These picks are the best.

Having fully digested the repulsive toxic stew that was Monday night's Redskin loss, I'm ready to get back in the saddle and ride some more. The Caps game last night helped a bit, even though I FB'd about yet another weird defensive collapse to the Buffalo Sabres. Not to worry, though, the good guys won.

You like hockey, right? I do, but am getting a little annoyed by the way that Alex Ovechkin barrels after loose pucks only when there's an empty net. If you want to see how a person should shoot on an empty net, look up Alexander Semin's amazing shot from last night's game. That's harder than it looks, folks.

Back to football of the National variety, here's my cold-as-stone locks:

Chicago at Miami: I can either watch this game or catch up with "The Walking Dead." I'm leaning towards catching up, then tuning this one in late. Dolphins at home.

Buffalo at Cincinnati: The more talented team should be chosen, right? On paper the Bengals should win this handily. Since the game's not played on paper, Buffalo.

Detroit at Dallas: without Matt Stafford, I'll take Dallas. Though the Lions defense might be more than Dallas can handle (if they show up).

Washington at Tennessee: I'm believing in #5. Believing. Not really thinking. Just believing. Redskins to bounce back.

Arizona at KC: Chiefs at Arrowhead. No way Cardinals win this.

Green Bay at Minnesota: no laughing in Minnie-ha-ha. Packers prevail over Team Turmoil.

Houston at NY Jets: Team Underachievement versus Team Hype. Houston apparently has no defensive players who actually play football on Sundays. We'll call it the "Cardboard Cutout" defense. It's sheer genius, since then they don't have to pay actual people to play. Sorry, Mario Williams.....Jets.

Oakland at Pittsburgh: a few weeks ago, nay a month ago - this one looked like a laugher. IF Oakland can run the ball and IF Campbell can complete some play-action and IF the Raiders defensive backs can run with the Pittsburgh WR's and IF Richard Seymour and his linemates can pressure The Rapist then Oakland could have a chance. Steelers.

Baltimore at Carolina: Ravens. Next.

Cleveland at Jacksonville: you can get lucky 2 weeks in a row, just not insanely lucky. I think that Hillis guy can run. Browns.

Tampa Bay at San Francisco: Buccaneers are a rising team. 49ers were supposed to be. As a wise man once said, "well if "ifs" and "buts" were candies and nuts, oh what a Christmas party we'd have, next caller!" Bucs

Seattle at New Orleans: two inconsistent teams, but one's the defending Super Bowl champ. Saints.

Atlanta at St. Louis: Falcons. You're next!

Indianapolis at New England: Patriots looked really good last Sunday beating the Steelers in Pittsburgh. Colts have an offense that's playing valiantly despite all of their injuries but they have little left on defense. Pats.

NY Giants at Philadelphia: Eagle fans want desperately to cheer like madmen for another blowout win - this time at home and not at TFFKAJCKS. If the Giants show up like they did last week against Dallas, they might get their wish. Eagles.

Denver at San Diego: Denver is screwy. San Diego is screwy. Antonio Gates might now play, which is sucky. Chargers, only because they have Phillip Rivers and not Kyle Orton.

Enjoy The Rapture

5 minutes on Bristol Palin

I swear I won't go one second longer on something I'm just not qualified to discuss.

So Bristol Palin, daughter of former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, was chosen to be on "Dancing with the Stars." I don't watch it, but I tuned in yesterday evening because: 1) I'd read some articles in the papers that seemed overly nasty in tone; and 2) there was nothing else on TV.

The "journalists" who were "reporting" on the TV show seem to all feel that there's a "Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy" afoot to vote lil' old Bristol into the finals of this show to be the winner. Apparently (and I'm too lazy to do the research and have a self-imposed time limitation I'm up against) there are organizations out there that are trying to manipulate the voting.

And Bristol, poor thing, is a little awkward on the dance floor. I feel for her, I have 17 left feet. Plus, she's at an awkward stage, not a girl and not quite a woman (but a well-publicized mom). She's certainly not the standard Hollywood Hot Waif. I don't know if she enjoys the spotlight all that much, she doesn't say a whole heck of a lot. Of course, being the first-born of She Who Controls All Media These Days helped her enormously. I gotta believe that there is a segment of the populace who votes desperately and repeatedly in order to support Their Gal, you betcha.

But, that doesn't mean there's a Conspiracy or anything so insidious. Complete rubbish. Even if there is, SO FRIGGIN' WHAT, IT'S A TV SHOW. Let them have their fun on TV, and stay the hell away from the White House.

So, to sum up: leave the kid alone and quit being so mean to her, you bitter and angry TV "reporters." Everyone else, go fart in a bathtub for all I care (it makes a cool noise). The stupid show's absolutely unwatchable.

3 minutes over. Apologies.

Here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again

Oh, bloody hell. 59-57 it is.

"Half of what I say is meaningless..." The Beatles. Ok, probably a little more than half in my case.

My pal Fred has played on the same hockey team with me since 1999 and is a long-suffering Eagles fan (and all things Philly). He had an extra ticket (free!) to last night's Redskins-Eagles game and I was up for it. All things were pointing to a fun game, at the very least: home game, after a bye week, great pre-game atmosphere, and the cherry on top should have been the news that Donnie Mac had signed a deal to stay in DC..

Of course, as the kids say these days, Epic Fail.

Wow. I picked the Eagles to win but never expected the epic-ness of the epic loss to be quite as epic as it epically turned out to be. Offensive line? Who needs that? Defensive competence? Nah, over-rated. Commence smacking palm to forehead, forehead to keyboard, and grinding one's teeth at night.

Or, get over it. Just a damned football game.

OK, I get the fan anger. You spend $$$ on tickets. $$$$ on parking or Metro. $$$$ on jerseys and hats and all that crap. $$$$$$$ on stadium concessions. If the Redskins Board of Directors consist of actual Redskin fans, it's not a pretty sight.

We took the Metro option to The Godawful Field Formerly Known as Jack Kent Cooke Stadium in Raljon, Maryland (TGFFKJKCS, for short). The train ride's not bad, the walk to the stadium bearable.

Let me digress for a moment: I had a Johnny Rockets burger that seemed to be exactly ONE year old. There was, ostensibly, "special sauce" on this burger. NOTE TO A Messr. DANIEL M. SNYDER: your burger joint makes decent burgers and shakes. Why are you allowing Fedex Field to call those hockey pucks "Rocket Singles" when the only rocket they should bring to mind is the food on Apollo 11? It was, bar none, the worst $10 burger I've ever forced myself to eat simply because I paid $10 for it like a jackass. I guess this proves my father's assessment of my brainpower to have been correct all along. JACKASS.

So. Good seats in Section 114 which is corner end-zone but high enough we could see everything. I can see the Monday Night Football guys, we wander down and say hi to Matt Millen, Mike Tirico, and Steve Young. But ignore Stuart Scott. The Stadium DEEJAY keeps blasting the opening bars of the MNF theme at higher decibels than jet air-o-planes, and the anticipation is palpable - the air gets all excited with the yelling and cheering, and "oh man this is gonna be great." This is only amplified when the two teams appear to air some bad blood before hitting the locker room.

Great idea. Get the Eagles all scared and sh%t. Whoops.

OK, the first 28 points were for practice, then the Redskins got serious. Well, semi-serious. Then the rain started and never stopped. Oh, how fitting. There was a second half of the game, wherein footballs were thrown and caught primarily by Eagles and tackles were made. By the Fourth Quarter the place was empty (note for the record that the 200 level club seats were empty by the end of the Second Quarter - the Washington Redskins corporate motherf-ers....best fans in professional footballllllll! Who leave at the first sight of a lousy game.

Fred sported his Philly Flyers sweater (in hockey you call a jersey a sweater) and was high-fived by every green-sporting moron in attendance (there were alot, they all yelled "EEEEEagles! or Flyyyyerrrrs!). Fred was practically Mayor of Raljon, Emperor of TGFFKJCKS everyone left was his best friend, and I trailed behind him like the ugly, chunky gal he'd taken out on a date but was embarrassed to acknowledge in my Redskins jersey. I think the colloquy went : "Go Flyers!" Fred gets high-fived. "Oh, he's with you, sorry about those Skins, man."

Skins fans, with little to brag about, fought amongst themselves like cannibals living at the end of days. Guys were being egged on to fight by heavily-smoking girls, and were alcohol-fueled enough to accept this as good advice. I counted two such incidents. On the way back to the Metro two Skins fans were wrestling each other on the road leading to Fedex. Not a pretty sight. As a parent, I had to ask a couple ninnies who liked screaming profanities to shut their mouths - since I noticed a few kids who appeared to be 7 or 8 year-olds right in front of them. Guess I'm an old fart but they complied without starting yet another altercation.

De-evolution, I guess. In the world of the dumb, there are no winners.

Hail to the Redskins, indeed. Barf.

Boy, that was fun.

Fun game last night, huh? For a bunch of you Steeler fans, probably not. And the generic football fan might've grown bored. I was riveted. I told y'all about karma and The Rapist....it's comin' round.

Which is a shame, because the Pittsburgh Steelers have a damned good football team. Until last night.

Weird season, isn't it? They keep talking about how this year represents Pete Rozelle's "any given Sunday" paradigm at its' best. I respectfully disagree, and offer the following as evidence:

1- The 1999-00 Rams come out of nowhere to win a title

2-The 2000-1 Ravens come out of nowhere to win a title

3- The 2001-2 Patriots come out of nowhere with a no-name QB and win a title

4- The 2002-3 Buccaneers handily demolish a supposedly superior Raider team

5- After the coronation of a New England dynasty and Peyton Manning, the 2007-8 NY Giants come out of nowhere to win a title, beating the supposedly unbeatable Patriots.

6-The 2009 Arizona Cardinals take a superior Steeler team to the LAST DAMNED PLAY of the Super Bowl.

OK, so there was a lull there between 2004 and 2008, wherein the Steelers, Patriots, and Colts all won titles they were expected to compete for. This year is not really different, the surprises being (so far) the implosions of teams in Dallas and Minnesota.

So, back to yesterday. I was 5-7, makes me 58-57 going into tonight- and I'm on record for the Eagles.

Atlanta beats Baltimore: how? I wasn't expecting the result even though I picked it.

Buffalo beats Detroit: missed this one. Should've checked to see if Stafford was playing. This was The Toilet Bowl, 2010

Chicago beats Minnesota: no more texting jokes. It's played. Stop. Just. Stop.

NY Jets beat Cleveland: what's with Cleveland? They take New England O-U-T. Take the Jets to OT. Old-time football, methinks.

Colts beat Bengals: poor Bengals. Awful ballhandling, I prefer that balls are handled with much more care than the manner in which the Cincinnati Bengals handled their balls yesterday. Colts are beatable but still in the mix.

Miami beats Tennessee: with a 3rd string QB. Titans still have CJ, but a couple more like this and they'll be done.

TB beats Carolina: Bucs are patsies no more. Lengthy season on Carolina.

Jax beats Houston: the DUHHHHHH move of the week (so far, as the Redskins play tonight). Last play of the game, the Houston D-back bats the ball TO THE WRONG PLAYER. Who scores. Classic. Cue the carnival music!

Denver beats KC: badly. The spiral apparently went upwards for Denver instead of downwards as predicted by my jackass self. The spiral must've been in Australia, I guess.

Dallas beats NY Giants: Redskin fans needed Dallas to win to slow down Big Blue, if the 'Skins are to have any hope of competing in the division. Now, that sounds like a laugh right now, but...any...given.....Monday...

Seattle beats Arizona: roller-coaster ride in Seattle. Fine.

SF beats St. Louis: another Toilet Bowl. I picked Rams and lost. Whatever.

New England beats Pittsburgh: AT PITTSBURGH. This was huge after the Browns manhandled the Patriots last Sunday. The Rapist manages to hang in there (hey, he's a fine QB, apparently just a louse of a guy - it happens) and keep the game tight. The real head-scratcher is the Steeler running game, it disappeared. I know they were banged up on the offensive line, but the Patriots don't exactly sport a D-line like Baltimore or the 1985 Bears.

I should probably get of The Rapist's back. This season we have two QB's looking for PR help in The Rapist and The Dog Butcher. Somehow, The Dog Butcher seems to be held to a higher standard than The Rapist - like Vick's got more to atone for than The Rapist does. I don't get it, they're two very inappropriate and unacceptable behaviors. Vick went to jail. The Rapist lost 4 games. Tell me that's fair treatment. Go ahead, try and convince me.

Who's the best team going right now?

In the NFC they told us Philly was the best team, we'll see tonight. Or the Giants, whoopsies! Or the Saints? Meh, not yet. How about the Falcons? They beat Baltimore. Or the Packers? The Redskins beat the Packers, can't be them. The Redskins? Please. As we said in high school, get off my jock.

The AFC? Oh, definitely the Steelers. Wait, not anymore. The Colts, yes. Or not. The Ravens, but wait they lost to the Pats and Falcons. The Jets. Clearly the Jets. Oh wait, they've lost to Green Bay (who lost to the Redskins). Let's try the Patriots. But they got shellacked by Cleveland. OK, then, Cleveland.....nope, as the old commercial said, "not thick enough." Let's try Kansas City. Nope. Cleveland? ummmmmmmmmmmmmm

And therein lies all the fun. Only 8 teams can make the playoffs. See you in Raljon tonight